


Going Home

by myrthrilmercury



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Siblings, Alternate Universe - Space, Alzheimer's Disease, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blizzards & Snowstorms, Business, Caught, Children, Christmas, Culture Shock, Developing Relationship, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Epiphanies, Established Relationship, Exhaustion, Family Drama, First Dates, First Time, Friendship/Love, Gap Filler, Hand Jobs, Hiking, Hypoglycemia, Ice Skating, In-Laws, Insomnia, Inspired by Music, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Matchmaking, Metaphors, Mother-Son Relationship, Mythology References, Obsessive Behavior, Old Friends, Oral Sex, Past Character Death, Pining, Post-Series, Protective Siblings, Repressed Memories, Rescue Missions, Reunions, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Sickfic, Sleep Deprivation, Slow Build, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vulnerability, Workplace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-11
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:19:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrthrilmercury/pseuds/myrthrilmercury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set between "Beacon in the Night" and "Blossoming Nirvana," this fills in the gap of events between the two. Inspired by the Cosmic Gate/Emma Hewitt song of the same name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. August

Lights out; can’t sleep.

That had been happening to Joel far too often over the past few weeks.

Three months had passed since his second journey into space—voluntarily, this time. Ever since crash landing in the Australian Outback, he had frequently thought about the ‘bots and worried about how they were doing. This was still the case, but more and more, he found his thoughts preoccupied by the man who was now with them aboard the SOL. 

Joel looked at the clock on the nightstand. 3:28 AM. At least he had managed to get _some_ sleep since he last checked an hour or so ago. But then he had that dream again.

Whenever it happened, it was always the same: he’d show up on the SOL and whisk all of its occupants away, back to Earth. Later, the ‘bots would be horsing around the living room, while he and Mike just sat in the bedroom talking. They’d just sit on the bed and talk for hours, catching up on everything that had happened while they were apart. Then, when there was nothing more to say, they’d move closer so that their bodies would touch, and hold one another for a few moments before their lips met. 

Kissing Mike, and being kissed, was the strongest memory from that night three months ago. The remarkable part was that Mike had made the first move, probably out of desperation to keep Joel from breaking down again. He would be lying to himself if he claimed that he wasn’t utterly astonished by the initial contact, but despite the awkwardness and tingling throughout his entire being, he hadn’t wanted to pull away, either. Somehow, it also put him at ease. Mike had looked absolutely terrified when their lips parted, but there was a deeper connection between them. To that day, Joel wasn’t exactly sure what he was thinking when he made the next move. At that point, it felt that not only was it something that he wanted to do; it was also something he _needed_ to do. It was like finding an oasis in the desert: the closeness and kisses were like cool water cascading down a long-parched throat, and time and space stood still as everything else faded away and they entered a universe of their own.

Those moments were happiest he had been in years. 

All this probably had to do with that aura around Mike. There was something about him that made Joel want to protect him. Perhaps he wanted to save Mike from the same isolation he had felt for all those years. Mike had admitted that he put on a brave face for the ‘bots, but when he was alone, it was a different story. This was another way they overlapped: by building façades for the outside world before locking their true selves away, both making it a point not to let anyone else in. 

Maybe that was why he couldn’t stop thinking about Mike. Back in his old room, he had seen a glimpse of Mike’s true self, and it was identical to his own. 

At first, he hadn’t been so worried about the ‘bots when he was building his spaceship, just as long as he could finish it in time. They had someone up there with them, so they were being taken care of and provided for. But after Joel came back to Earth, his efforts suddenly became more urgent. Now he worried about Mike and how he was holding up. 

It had been three months. Anything could have happened in those three months. That little voice in the back of Joel’s head kept whispering that if something happened, it would be his fault. Other than the note he had left behind, Joel had absolutely no means of communication with the SOL. He had promised he would come back, but would Mike be waiting? 

There was also the possibility that Mike and the ‘bots would hate him. After all, he had initially been flippant about not bringing anyone back with him. Sure, all seemed forgiven after the experiment was over, but was it really? 

No. He couldn’t let himself think that way again. Once those thoughts started taking over, the shaking, hyperventilating, and rapid heartbeat would follow, and he wouldn’t be able to move for an hour or so. When that happened, good luck being productive at work the next day.

Joel pushed himself out of bed and went to the medicine cabinet for some Sominex.

***  
It was a vicious cycle: when Joel had to take Sominex, it made him sleep. Which was fine; that was what he bought it for. But when the alarm went off in the morning, he felt more like he’d been run over by a train than actually rested, and he always had to fight the urge to hit the snooze button five or six times before finally crawling out of bed. Then he was lethargic without three or four cups of coffee, which proceeded to make him a bit _too_ alert, and the caffeine would eventually keep him up at night, when he would then reach for the Sominex.

By this point, four cups of coffee barely opened his eyes anymore. But if he drank any more, his heart would probably explode. 

Joel took a long breath and exhaled deeply, rubbing his eyes as he stared blankly at the order forms lying on the desk. The last thing he needed was to fall asleep right then and there. This sort of thing always happened any time he had a bad night. 

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad if he had some way of communicating with the SOL. But even if he did, messages like “I spent the entire morning helping bread cod fillets” weren’t exactly the kind of thing anyone wanted to read, let alone send across the universe. And it was highly unlikely that he could tell Mike anything he _really_ wanted to say without Cambot or Gypsy intercepting it first.

He didn’t even have anything really substantial he wanted to say. They were all simple thoughts: _I’m worried about all of you. I wish you were here. I can’t stop thinking about you._ Yet at the same time, they felt like weights crushing his entire being. 

Maybe his mom was right. Maybe he did need to go back to the shrink.

She had basically dragged him there kicking and screaming after he’d had a particularly severe anxiety attack while he was in Green Bay over Christmas. All things considered, the session hadn’t been too terrible: answer some questions, talk for a bit, discuss relaxation and mitigation techniques, and get a prescription for Paxil. The shrink did think he was pulling himself together awfully well for what had happened over the past few years. Joel didn’t think he was, but then again, after all he’d been through, was it any wonder he felt like he was going off the deep end?

He hadn’t wanted to take the Paxil, but did it to get his mom off his back. If it had any effect on him, he didn’t notice it. Maybe antidepressants were like Dumbo’s magic feather: they worked because the user believed they did. Sure, it was entirely possible that maybe a different medication would work, but Joel didn’t feel like playing Russian roulette with pharmaceuticals. 

Joel dismissed the idea of going back to the shrink as he began tackling the stacks of paper in front of him. What else could that guy do for him? What he really needed was to take care of his own problems. That meant finishing the spaceship, rescuing everyone, and bringing them back.

That would be better than any antidepressant.


	2. November

The hot fish shop had been closed for the season since October, which gave Joel a lot more time to work on the spaceship once all of the other management business he had to attend to was out of the way. The weather had cooperated this season and the hot fish shop had done well, but that didn’t mean he could go blowing money on the rest of the parts he needed. He still had to keep enough in the bank to keep a roof over his head until April.

Despite that, he had made quite a bit of progress since August. There were only two more parts he needed, and the spaceship was almost big enough to fit everyone now. But until he got the parts he needed, everything was at a standstill, since he couldn’t finish the expansion until he had the parts in hand. Sure, he could finish the expansion and knock a hole in the hull to get the parts in once he got ahold of them—if he didn’t mind compromising the hull’s integrity.

What made matters even worse is Joel couldn’t construct these himself, like he had with some of the other parts. These required materials he couldn’t obtain in Minnesota, much less even work with if he could. Once he finally found a supplier that wasn’t charging an obscene amount of money for them, they told him that they wouldn’t have any more in stock until January. That meant at least another month and a half of sitting on his hands.

It wasn’t that Joel didn’t have other things to attend to in the meantime. Thanksgiving was the following week, and he had already received several insistent calls from his mom regarding his plans. The conversations always went the same way: Yes, he was coming. Yes, he’d stay the weekend. Yes, he was still coming for Christmas unless something happened. Yes, there was snow on the ground where he was—it’s Minnesota, for chrissakes. No, he didn’t have a girlfriend. No, he and Colleen were not getting back together. That was three years ago. No, he wasn’t looking. He wasn’t interested. 

Joel’s thoughts turned to how he and the ‘bots always used to celebrate Thanksgiving up on the SOL. Nothing too fancy: tons of carbs and pie, along with a turkey that Gypsy somehow managed to get ahold of every year. How she managed that was beyond him, but he knew she was trying to give him some semblance of life on Earth, even though she never came out and said it. For that, he was always grateful.

Then, once everyone was done stuffing themselves until they couldn’t move, they’d all watch the Packers annihilate the Lions until everyone fell asleep in front of the TV. Good times.

Joel couldn’t help but wonder if the tradition continued. Then, his thoughts inevitably turned to Mike, leaving him to once again wrestle with his feelings.

Tinkering and machines were easy. If he didn’t know how to build or fix something, there was always a reference material somewhere. Car broke down for the millionth time? Dig out the Chilton manual. Need to map out circuitry? Go rooting through the technical manuals; the diagram’s in there somewhere. Trouble rebuilding an appliance? All you had to do was check Google for a PDF of an instruction booklet.

Thoughts and emotions? There was no manual for those. And that scared him. 

There was nothing that could explain the dreams of reuniting with Mike, the desire to keep him nearby, or the longing for them to be in one another’s arms again. Nor could he explain why he had developed an aversion to sleeping alone over the past month. 

No existing instruction manual contained any clues as to why the ruffled blonde hair, those seagreen eyes, and that dulcet voice haunted his thoughts and dreams. 

Sure, it was intimidating beyond belief, but the only way to decipher any of this was to approach it like any invention: throw yourself in headfirst and just start working with the material. But, that wasn’t happening until January at the earliest.

Joel resumed fiddling with the parts laid out in front of him, forcing himself to banish the feelings of worthlessness from his mind.


	3. February

February was always the worst month of the year.

Sure, there was his birthday, but that was the one bright spot. The weather was horrendous, it got dark very early and stayed dark for the longest time, and absolutely nothing was happening. It was too damn cold for anyone to bother doing anything remotely fun. Midwestern winters tended to be rather depressing, but the particularly severe winter this time around on top of Joel’s already distressed mood was all the more disheartening.

When he had been in Green Bay for Christmas, the first thing out of his mom’s mouth had been “You look terrible.” If she saw him now, she’d probably try to have him committed.

Joel’s dad and his brother Jim had always kidded him about his sleepy appearance, but the continued lack of sleep coupled with the all-nighters he pulled after finally obtaining the remaining parts he needed made him look comatose. When he threw himself into any project, he frequently forgot to eat, or sleep, or perform any sort of self-care that might prevent him from collapsing somewhere. 

This was exactly the position he found himself in when he woke up in the hatch of his spaceship. He had fallen asleep in the storage shed _again._ The last thing he remembered was making some adjustments to the wiring. At least he hadn’t been dreaming again. Recently, some of those dreams had started becoming nightmares.

Perhaps it was the “what if” scenarios that often played out in Joel’s mind creeping into his subconscious. What if he couldn’t reach the SOL? What if something had already happened to the others? What if something malfunctioned and they all ended up dying on the way back to Earth? Joel had been trying his damndest to make sure these things couldn’t and wouldn’t happen, but nothing could erase the specter of doubt. 

If he could just hurry up and finish, none of this would matter. He was so close to being finished. Both the desire to be done faster and to rescue everyone pushed him to spend more and more time in the workshop, sometimes staying there for days at a time without returning to his apartment. On the occasions when he actually did feel like eating, he barely ate much anymore, to the point where none of his clothes were fitting him correctly. Maybe if it were the ‘90s again, he’d be in fashion. 

The thought amused him for a brief moment before the pounding headache began. The wrench tumbled out of his right hand and landed on the ground with a metallic clank.

He really did need to eat.

Joel crawled over to his toolbox and dug through the piles of discarded wrappers shoved in the bottom. There had to be another energy bar or something in there. He frantically threw wrappers aside, searching more urgently until finally locating a half-eaten packet of trail mix. 

Good enough. He dumped the packet’s contents into the palm of his hand and crammed the pile of nuts, raisins, and God knew what else into his mouth in one fell swoop.

This wouldn’t be enough. He’d have to go back to his apartment and actually eat something, and sleep in an actual bed was probably necessary. Plus, it would probably be a good idea to get a leg up on taking inventory at the hot fish shop. There was no need to order fish for a couple more weeks, but he needed to figure out where he was in terms of overall equipment. 

It was still light out. Granted, it would take at least an hour to clear all the accumulated snow and ice off his car, but at least he had actually remembered to plug in the engine block beforehand this time.

Joel stepped outside and shuddered when the biting wind hit him. Then he remembered: it might help to put on his coat. Sighing deeply, he went back into the shed to retrieve it before coming back outside and locking the door behind him.

It took three hard yanks to unfreeze the driver’s side door. Once it was open, Joel leaned inside and turned on the car to revive the engine and allow the defrosters time to work. 

He groaned in exasperation when the engine light came on. First all the money he had spent on the spaceship parts, then this. The car was on its last legs anyway. His tax return was due back in a couple of weeks, but at this point, it was a choice between car or rent. A (somewhat) new car would have to wait until April when he had the income from the hot fish shop, assuming the damn thing didn’t up and die on him first. 

Joel dug the ice scraper and snow brush out of the back seat and got to work.

***

Joel had gone from a chilly car to the frigid parking lot and ended up in what had become a downright freezing apartment. Maybe he shouldn’t have turned the heat down so much before he left.

As he searched the cupboards and fridge, he resigned himself to the fact that he would soon need to go grocery shopping. There was still a carton of eggs, some bread, and a little bit of milk. That would work.

While the first solid meal he would be eating in days fried on the stovetop, Joel listened to the phone messages that had accumulated. His older nephew Craig needed help with a science fair project, the landlord wanted everyone to move their cars on Friday so maintenance could plow the lot, and his mom wanted to know what he wanted for his birthday in two weeks.

He’d need to wait a couple more hours to call Craig back, since he and his younger brother Bryan were likely off at hockey practice. As for his mom, he’d probably just ask for another box of those cookies from that one company she always ordered them from. True, it was unhealthy as all hell, but the contents counted as food, and maybe he’d put some weight back on before he needed to head to Green Bay for Easter. The last thing he needed was for her to get even more worried about him. 

Considering how quickly he wolfed down the scrambled eggs and toast, he had definitely gone too long between eating meals like a normal person. Joel couldn’t help but notice how much better and more alert he felt. Maybe he did need to slow down his pace a little bit. He was almost done anyway. Besides, if he became hypoglycemic again, there’d be no way he’d manage to finish what he started, let along rescue Mike and the ‘bots.

Prior to that day, however, something inside him kept telling him to push forward. Perhaps it was that feeling of dread he still harbored, that something terrible would happen to the SOL and its residents if he didn’t hurry up and finish. And, of course, he missed the ‘bots. The apartment was far too quiet and lonely. 

But there was also Mike. Whenever his mind wandered to thoughts of Mike, all of his thought processes came to a grinding halt. Then the emotions and longing would flood through him, and he always wondered just what it was he was feeling, or why he felt that way.

Logic and reason dictated that every unsolved puzzle had a rational explanation. The explanation might not be apparent right away, but if one found clues and followed the trail, it led to the solution. Thoughts and emotions, however, yielded no tangible evidence. 

Joel reflected on this quandary as he began and quickly abandoned an attempt to finish all the inventory paperwork he had hoped to take care of. He was much too tired to focus. Instead, he headed into his bedroom and collapsed on the bed, then managed to fall asleep without even getting his shoes off first.


	4. Rescue Mission

It all came down to this. 

All of the marathon work sessions, the overcaffeination, and money spent had led up to this moment. Although the spaceship had actually been ready since the beginning of March, Joel was only getting around to his rescue mission in mid-April because the weather had been less than cooperative. Although the calendar said it was spring, winter still clutched the Upper Midwest in its iron fist, and there had been far too much snow to attempt a launch any earlier. 

Now here he was, at 3 AM, getting everything powered up and hoping the cold didn’t have any negative effects on the machinery. Considering how low the temperatures had been in March, it was probably a good thing he had waited until now. Now that it was actually above freezing for a change, there was little risk of damage to the thrusters from a rapid freeze and thaw during the ignition phase. Still, the thought remained in the back of Joel’s mind, along with considerations of everything that could possibly go wrong with the entire mission. But if he continued dwelling on them, he’d never work up the courage to actually go through with anything. 

Everything looked normal and was working as expected. Now all that was left was to wait for ignition. 

It had been an entire year since Joel had returned to the SOL, and without any means of communication, there was no way of telling how its occupants had fared since then. They could have cracked from all of the experiments by now, or even worse…

A strong vibration rocked the floor as the rockets fired. Those were also working normally. Then again, of course they did—Joel had only been obsessively checking everything every five minutes over the past month and a half whenever he came by the storage shed. He’d have to fix the roof again after liftoff, but that couldn’t be helped. 

Joel pulled the lever on the lower right hand side of the console in front of him; then winced as the G-force kicked in while the spaceship tilted vertically. After what felt like a near-eternity of overwhelming pressure, the rocket was airborne. The hull shook as it pierced the shingles of the storage shed’s roof, scattering building materials in multiple directions.

Once he could move his arms with slightly less effort, Joel entered the coordinates of the SOL on the control panel and waited a few seconds for the readout. At its current location and distance, it would take Joel three hours to reach his old stomping grounds. Other than making sure everything remained operational and that he didn’t collide with any space junk, it meant three hours of waiting. 

This would undoubtedly lead to three hours of thinking, which was the problem with not having enough to do. 

During the past month and a half, the feelings of worthlessness had returned when there was nothing to do except sit and wait for the weather to clear. Everything was ready, and he could have gone at a moment’s notice…if it hadn’t been constantly snowing. Once again, factors beyond his control kept him from accomplishing what he had set out to do. While this sort of thing hadn’t been his fault, he couldn’t help but feel at times that he had failed Mike and the ‘bots.

The specter of doubt crept forth as Joel briefly wondered if the others hated him after he left so abruptly. After all, he had been unnecessarily flippant before hiding from Frank. His first thought immediately after leaving the SOL the second time had been “Boy, was I a dickweed back there.”

Then that thought faded away as the memory of Mike’s hand against the glass burned itself in the back of his mind. The look in Mike’s eyes had been one of pure despair. Back then, Joel had to tear his gaze away from the porthole glass and back to the console, not only to finish the liftoff sequence, but also to keep from breaking down yet again. It was more for his sake than Mike’s at that point—after all, Mike had already seen him at his most vulnerable. 

Joel hated that part of himself. It made him feel weak.

The look on Mike’s face only made an already heartrending departure even worse. Not only was he disappointing everyone, he was potentially leaving them to a fate worse than death—all because he couldn’t get his act together well enough to perform a rescue correctly the first time.

Leaving also presented Joel with another dilemma. Once he returned to Earth, he went back to his normal routine, although he also began searching for spaceship parts in his spare time. But the burden of loneliness weighed far more heavily upon him, especially as he remembered the levity he had felt around Mike. He quickly realized: not only did he want his solitude to end, but he also wanted Mike there with him. They didn’t even have to be in the same room or in one another’s arms. Joel just wanted him nearby.

Joel idly gazed at the clock on the console. Only fifteen minutes had elapsed.

This was going to be the longest trip of his life.

***

At long last, Joel was in close enough range to send communications to the SOL. It would still be another ten or fifteen minutes, but Gypsy was most likely in her normal place at the bridge. He pushed a few buttons and waited for a response.

About a minute later, Gypsy’s face popped up on the small screen to Joel’s lower left. 

“Joel?!” Gypsy couldn’t contain her excitement.

“I promised you I’d come back.” There were so many things he wanted to say, but those could wait. “There isn’t an experiment or anything going on right now, is there?”

“No, that’s not until tomorrow. Everyone’s…” Gypsy looked behind her. “I’m not sure where they all are, actually.”

“We’d better do this as quickly as we can. Find the others and have them meet me in the loading bay. Take anything important with you, because we’re not coming back.”

“Got it!” Gypsy closed the transmission, and the screen faded to black. Joel caught his first glimpse of the SOL in the distance and began a rapid descent towards the loading bay as he took several deep breaths in an unsuccessful attempt to steel his fraying nerves.

***

All of the ‘bots except Gypsy were in the loading bay, since she was on the bridge running the gravity protocols so that Joel could bring in the spaceship. She would likely be down in a few minutes.

Joel climbed out of his seat and paced around as much as he could in the cramped space for a few seconds, trying to get the blood flowing in his tingling legs. Gypsy was just arriving at the loading bay when Joel opened the hatch. Tom, Crow, and Cambot were already huddled around the spaceship.

“JOEL!!!” the ‘bots cried. 

Joel extended his arms for a large, fumbling group hug that felt more like a mauling amidst all the excitement. “I missed you guys so much! I told you I’d be back.”

“Well, you said—” Tom began.

“Look, I know I was being a dickweed, but I had to do something to keep Frank from stealing my soul.” Joel quickly scanned the loading bay and noticed Mike was absent. “Where’s Mike?”

There was a moment of silence as the ‘bots all exchanged questioning glances.

Joel felt his heart stop. _No…he couldn’t possibly have…_

“Wasn’t he in his room?” Crow asked no one in particular.

“I think so,” Tom replied. “Last I saw him he was taking way too long to get his stuff together.”

“Do you guys have everything you need?” Joel was met with a series of nods, and Gypsy deposited a large black binder at his feet. Joel picked it up and recognized it as her Richard Basehart scrapbook, and couldn’t help but smile. He should have known.

Joel crawled back into the spaceship and placed the scrapbook inside before climbing back out. This would work out better than he had expected. “Tell you what. I’ll go help Mike out so we can get going. If we stick around too long, Pearl will get suspicious. Can you guys wait for me inside the spaceship? We’ll be here in a few minutes.” He didn’t even wait for a response before rushing out of the loading bay, ignoring the prickling in his legs as he ran through the corridors of the SOL to where his bedroom had once been. 

The door at the end of the hallway opened, and Mike popped his head out before retreating back into the room.

_“Mike!”_ Joel forced his legs forward and down faster, charging towards the door at the end of the hallway as if he were running from a moving train. He had waited for this moment for a year, had dreamed of it every night, and it still wasn’t happening soon enough. 

When Joel finally reached the bedroom, he found Mike crouched down in the middle of the floor, zipping up the last of his suitcases. Mike sprang up from his spot and hustled over to the door, rapidly closing it behind Joel before activating the locking mechanism.

Both men rushed towards one other and closed the distance between them as quickly as they could, encircling their arms around one another as they clutched the other tightly.

Joel clung to Mike’s back and pressed the left side of his head against Mike’s chest. “Mike…”

“Joel…” Mike’s grasp was wider, with one hand on Joel’s waist and the other on top of his left shoulder. 

“Mike, I…” Joel dug his fingernails into the material of Mike’s jumpsuit. “I missed you so much…”

“I thought of you every day,” Mike said in a voice barely above a whisper. “I waited for you.”

“I know.” Joel lifted his head and gazed directly into the cobalt eyes that had haunted his dreams, night after night. “I’ll always be grateful to you.”

Without another word, they both closed the small distance that remained as they drove their mouths together. Both men poured a year’s worth of emotion into the kiss, eyes squinched shut, pressing their bodies together as the universe stood still, and Joel could feel himself spiraling into blissful delirium as he continued pushing every fiber of his being against Mike, not wanting to let go of the treasure he had finally obtained after so many agonizingly long, arduous trials.

As he felt his consciousness leaving him, Joel finally realized that the dreamy, floating sensation was not ecstasy or jubilation—it was actually oxygen loss. Reluctantly, he broke the kiss, staring intently at Mike as he forced himself to breathe. 

“Where are the ‘bots?”

“They’re in the spaceship…and probably wondering what the hell’s taking so long.” Joel didn’t want to release Mike after having waited for this moment for so long, but if they remained there any longer, there would likely be some insistent banging and shouting at the door. There was also the possibility of Pearl discovering him. “Are you ready?” 

“Yeah, I was just finishing up when you came in.” Mike let go of Joel and bent over to pick up his suitcases. “I’ve got everything.”

“All right.” An excited smile crossed Joel’s lips. “Let’s go home.” 

“Home…” There was a distant twinkle in Mike’s eyes as his mind wandered to unknown realms. “Sure. Lead the way.” 

They scurried back to the loading bay with all of Mike’s important possessions in tow, ignoring the complaints from the ‘bots about how much time they had taken to get down there once they finished packing all of the remaining items into the spaceship. After everything was settled, Joel sealed the hatch and sat down in front of the console to begin the startup sequence.

“You’re all sure you didn’t forget anything?” Joel asked the others. “We’re not coming back once I leave.”

“NO!” the ‘bots chorused.

“Of course not!” Tom snapped. “What a stupid question. What, you think I want to come back here for the rest of my Toblerones just because I may have forgotten—“

“All my Toblerones went missing three days ago,” Crow stated. “ _Waaaait_ a minute…”

“Look, I can buy you two some Toblerones when we get back to Earth,” Joel broke in. “We’ve got at least a three-hour trip back home and I don’t want any fighting. Now, we’re taking off, and you’ll probably feel like you’re being crushed by bricks, but that’ll be over in a couple of minutes.” With that, he pulled the lever on the lower right hand side of the console and braced himself. The bickering behind him immediately ceased the moment the G-force kicked in and sent a screaming Tom flying into the back of the spaceship. Once the pressure subsided and they took off, Joel turned his head and took one final look at the SOL before picking up speed.

The trip home was full of questions about Earth ranging from logical to downright ridiculous, squabbling over purloined Toblerones, and catching up on what everyone had been up to since they had last seen one another. Mike, however, didn’t participate much. When he wasn’t sleeping, he was staring blankly out the porthole at something or another. From the look on his face, Joel figured he had something on his mind. Then again, he couldn’t really blame him. Mike did perk up once they reentered Earth’s atmosphere, but once the G-force kicked in again, he retreated back into his shell.

Night had already fallen in Minnesota, so it was unlikely anyone would spot their landing. Joel maneuvered the spaceship over the hole he had previously broken in the storage shed’s roof and came in for what was thankfully a soft landing. Joel couldn’t power down the spaceship and open the hatch soon enough for the ‘bots, who were raring to get out at this point. 

Mike was the last one out of the spaceship. He appeared confident at first, but after a few initial steps on Earth, stood rooted to the ground, staring down in uncertainty. He’d have to get used to the effects of gravity again. The ‘bots were fine, but they didn’t have complicated things like organs and blood flow they had to deal with. 

“Come on, I’ll take you guys home.” Joel felt a twinge of embarrassment at the fact that “home” was a crappy one-bedroom apartment. If they were all going to stay together, they would definitely need a bigger place. Of course, this was assuming Mike wanted to stick around. 

As Joel stepped outside into the crisp night air, he realized that he should have brought a second coat along for Mike. The Minnesota night air was the same as it always was in mid-April: frigid enough that even penguins would start wearing jackets.

Joel laughed when a snowball whizzed harmlessly past him. The ‘bots were definitely getting acquainted to conditions on Earth. They’d be fine.

“Where’s Mike?” Gypsy asked, interrupting Joel’s train of thought. 

Her answer came when Mike staggered out of the storage shed a few moments later, white as a sheet, with a vacant look in his eyes.

“Mike?” Joel cocked his head to one side, concerned. “Are you all right?”

Mike took one more step before falling onto his hands and knees and throwing up into the snow.


	5. Convalescence

Somehow, Joel managed to cram everyone into the car in one trip and get them home, even when he ignored Crow’s suggestion to throw Tom into the trunk. Thankfully, Mike didn’t get sick again in the car, but he did the moment he got out of the car. 

Joel was worried, but he was also angry with himself at the same time. He had not factored space sickness into his plans, and now Mike was suffering because of his neglect. He also didn’t have any Dramamine anywhere in the apartment, which meant a late-night trip to the drugstore. This meant leaving Mike unattended.

After unlocking the door to his apartment, Joel asked Gypsy to go through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom while he got Mike over to his room. He figured he’d sleep on the bedroom floor that night so he could keep an eye on Mike. They would need to figure out the sleeping situation at a later point as well.

Gypsy rummaged through the bottles, calling out what she found so that Joel could hear from the bedroom. “Advil, cough drops, Nyquil, Sominex, NoDoz, Alka-Seltzer, Benadryl—“

Joel stopped her. “Let me have the Benadryl.”

“You sure this’ll work?” Gypsy asked as she brought the box over to the bedroom.

“It will for now, anyway. I’ll need to head out in a bit to get him some actual medicine. But we can at least knock him out for awhile.” 

There was no reaction from Mike other than a dead stare from heavily lidded eyes. Gypsy followed Joel to the kitchen as he went to get a glass of water.

“By the way…” she began. “Why do you have five half-empty bottles of Sominex in your medicine cabinet?”

“No reason. I’m going to take Tom and Crow to the drugstore for some medicine. Can you and Cambot keep an eye on him for me?”

“Of course I can. I only have one, remember?”

“…Right.” After all of these years, Joel finally remembered: despite all of Gypsy’s strengths, figures of speech were completely lost on her. “We’ll be back soon.”  
***  
It was a no-win situation for Joel. He had a choice between taking Tom and Crow with him and having them drive him nuts, or leaving them at the apartment and risk having them aggravate Mike’s condition even further. Between the two possibilities, the decision was an easy one, but it didn’t make the situation any better.

All Joel needed to pick up were Dramamine, salt tablets, and Gatorade. But with Tom and Crow there, what should have been a 10-minute trip turned into an hour-long one. They couldn’t contain their excitement: they were in an actual store. It had shelves. And the shelves were full of THINGS. Maybe it would be like this if he had actual human children. On second thought, it would be easier to have human children. Human children couldn’t hover and fly away from you. Either way, this was their first and last trip to a store on Earth.

Fortunately, Mike wasn’t in any worse shape when Joel, Tom, and Crow did finally return to the apartment. The Benadryl had kicked in and he was out cold. However, Gypsy reported that she and Cambot did have to empty the garbage can Joel had left by the bed a couple of times. That probably took care of parenthood for them both for a few years.

Despite that, Joel would probably have to leave Mike with them the day after next. He had left the hot fish shop in the care of the assistant manager for two days so he could carry out the rescue mission. The guy was capable, but Joel was still worried about the place. There was also the question of what to do with Tom and Crow when it came time to go back to work, but he’d make the decision based on how well Mike was doing. 

The early start and the day’s events had left Joel downright exhausted, but he still woke up periodically during the night since a makeshift blanket cocoon on the floor wasn’t exactly the most comfortable sleeping arrangement. Mike remained asleep the majority of the time, but sometime in the dead of the night, the Benadryl wore off and the light stirring on the bed escalated into panicked thrashing.

Joel sprang up from his spot on the floor and rushed over to the bed, barely dodging the fist swung at him upon his approach. He hastily felt around for the lamp on the nightstand and flicked the switch. When the light came on, Mike initially recoiled in terror, but his breathing slowed and he loosened his grip on the sheets as he regained his bearings and remembered what had happened and where he was.

“It’s okay.” Once Joel felt secure that Mike wouldn’t try to hit him again, he sat down on the bed next to Mike. “How are you feeling?”

Mike sighed deeply as he reclined against the headboard. “First you have to take care of me and then I try to kill you. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s probably the space sickness and dehydration messing with you. I’ll be back.” With that, Joel went to the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of Gatorade and the box of Dramamine, which he brought back with him.

Mike had pushed himself into a seated position by this point, which Joel took as a good sign. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Joel sat back down on the bed and held the bottle in front of Mike. “It’s either this or I drag you to the hospital.”

“Fine…” Mike muttered with a resigned sigh before taking the bottle from Joel. 

Joel pulled some Dramamine out of the box and noticed that the Gatorade bottle was half empty when he looked back up. He placed the Dramamine in Mike’s free hand. “Here.” 

This time, Mike offered no resistance and chased down the Dramamine with the rest of the Gatorade.

“Feel any better now?” Joel inquired, taking the bottle from Mike and setting it down on the nightstand.

“A little. What’s with the Florence Nightingale routine all of a sudden?”

“This is my fault. I should have known this might happen.”

Mike shook his head. “What could you do? I was in space for years and suddenly I have to get used to gravity again. You’re always beating yourself up over something. Stop it.”

Joel drew back in surprise. “My sister-in-law said the exact same thing to me at Easter.”

“She has a point.” Mike lay back down and turned his head to face Joel. “This was not how I intended to spend my first moments back on Earth, though.”

“Why, what were you thinking of doing?”

Mike stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, pondering the question. “I always figured that first I’d go do something fun. Maybe see a decent movie for a change. Then I’d probably try to contact my family. Beyond that…I hadn’t put too much thought into it.”

Joel nodded. “You know, I still do need help at the hot fish shop.”

“That would be great, but…are you sure? I mean, I was a temp, and—“

“Trust me, you’re perfect.” 

“Says the guy who built his own spaceship and saved my ass twice. That’s why I don’t get it.”

“Get what?” Joel questioned.

“Why you’re so down on yourself.” Mike turned his head to look at Joel again. “You created the ‘bots. You own a hot fish shop that’s doing well. You built a spaceship and saved us from certain death once. Then you improved it and saved us for good. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of those things. So why do you hate yourself so much?”

If Joel knew the answer to Mike’s question, he would have done something about it long ago. “I don’t know. There’s always that voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not good enough.” 

“You are better than you think.” Mike then attempted to push himself out of bed, but ended up crashing to the floor instead.

“Um, what are you doing?”

“Well, I was going to head to the bathroom…” 

“You need help getting over there?”

“No, I’ll be fine. Just…help me up, please?”

Joel walked to the other side of the bed and helped Mike stand up. Mike immediately put a hand on the wall next to him and kept it there for balance as he lurched around the perimeter of the wall. Joel quelled any additional thoughts of helping him. Mike needed to relearn how the whole walking thing worked in the presence of gravity. As long as Mike was fine on his own, he figured he might as well go back to bed.

“Can you turn out the light when you’re done?” Joel asked as he returned to his blanket cocoon and began rearranging it to his liking.

“Yeah, sure.” 

Once he was settled, Joel lay back down on the floor and thought about what Mike had said. _You are better than you think._

Yeah, right.


	6. Reacclimation

Mike made a full recovery later in the week, but remained mostly comatose in the apartment for a couple of days while Joel went back to work. Joel left Mike in Gypsy and Cambot’s care and took Tom and Crow to work with him. While he figured he would eventually regret the decision, they probably would be begging at some point to see the hot fish shop, so he might as well get the visit out of the way at that point.

For the most part, the two actually behaved themselves. Most of the time, they were outside playing in the snow since it had not yet melted. However, there still were a few intense moments, like when Tom somehow managed to fall headfirst into the hush puppy fryer. The shop had not seen such high levels of pandemonium in quite some time. 

Then again, pandemonium at the shop was not always a bad thing. During years when Easter was in April, it seemed like every Catholic in Hennepin County showed up on Fridays during Lent. Good Friday was always intensely busy, but that meant a windfall for the shop’s balance sheet, even if it meant nobody was able to sit down for more than five minutes and several pairs of sore feet by closing time.

This year, however, Easter had been in March. This, along with the new living situation, worried Joel. He had enough for rent and utilities to extend into May, but it wasn’t just him anymore. Now there was a family to provide for. The need for more space was first and foremost on his mind. Hopefully they had a good summer, or not only would he, Mike, and the ‘bots remained crammed in the apartment like sardines, but providing for everyone would be a very real concern. 

That was one of the reasons Joel had been receptive to Gypsy’s pitch for her own business, and with the rescue mission out of the way, he threw a lot of his newfound spare time into helping her get ConGypsCo off the ground. Once they got a new place, she deserved her own office.

Once Mike was well enough, Joel gave him a crash course in how things worked at the hot fish shop. By that point, the weather had drastically improved, and it ended up turning into a situation where he had basically thrown Mike into a rip current and expected him to rescue himself. Mike did have the fundamentals of the job down, but would probably need some additional help until he really learned the ropes, which would probably take another couple of weeks. Joel didn’t mind, though. He was used to hovering around the shop and helping out wherever he was needed. It was preferable to sitting in the back office all day, which was one of the most mind-numbing things in the universe. 

Mike’s presence was another reason the living situation weighed so heavily on Joel’s mind. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about how the sleeping situation had developed. Shortly after the others had moved in, he went to bed earlier one night and woke up to find Mike asleep on the other side of the bed. The initial reaction had been utter shock, but not repulsion. Things only got more awkward three days later when Gypsy poked her head through the door one morning, observed the situation, and then later pulled Joel aside and asked what was going on between him and Mike. 

There was no good answer to that question. He had vehemently insisted to Gypsy that everything was platonic, but given everything that had happened on the SOL, that was definitely a lie. He also couldn’t deny the fact that he liked having Mike there, even though he was reluctant to admit it to himself. Mike’s presence was comforting somehow, not just at night, but in general. 

Maybe he’d have this figured out when they had a bigger place. His first priority was getting enough saved up for a down payment for at least a small house. At least the car situation had serendipitously resolved itself. When Joel had gone to Green Bay to see his family for Easter, he complained about how the engine on his last car was on its last legs, likely due to his forgetting to plug in the engine block heater the one night. That was when Jim and his sister-in-law, Laura, told him they were in the process of getting a bigger car to accommodate their boys, and offered to give Joel the one they had at that point.

Joel tried to object, but that was when Laura glared at him and told him to quit martyring himself. “You’re always beating yourself up over something,” she had said. “Stop it. We’re giving you a fucking gift. Just take it.” 

That was reason Mike’s words had carried so much weight that first night.

When April turned to May, the trees and flowers blossomed in an explosion of colors, and the animals and insects shook off their winter dormancy and became active. The ‘bots spent an awful lot of time outside acclimating themselves to the new world around them, but this was not without its pitfalls. Sometimes, repairs were necessary. Also, Cambot had been crestfallen when he accidentally obliterated an anthill with his lens. Joel decided to buy Cambot his own ant farm, which Cambot would sit and observe for hours on end.

Discovery was always exciting and new for the ‘bots, but Mike would often become pensive whenever he watched anything, regardless of whether it was inside or outside. The ‘bots would be tramping around on their outdoor exhibitions, turning over rocks and poking through bushes, but Mike would just stay transfixed in one spot, just staring at something, whether it was a flowering azalea bush, magnolia blossoms, a motionless rabbit, or even a plain cirrus cloud. Mike would often do the same thing when he was inside, and just remain at the window staring at whatever was outside. Initially, Joel figured that Mike was getting reacclimated to everything on Earth, but soon realized that there was something else on Mike’s mind. 

It wasn’t until one morning when they were both lying half-awake in bed before the alarm was set to go off that Joel realized something was amiss.

There was still an hour before they needed to be up. The rays of sunlight peaking through the venetian blinds vanished as the skies darkened, and the staccato of a heavy rain echoed outside. Joel turned to one side and pulled the sheets over him, content. This was good sleeping weather. 

Mike sprang up and looked around frantically in a cross between panic and confusion. It wasn’t until he darted over to the window and peered through the blinds that he realized it was raining. He walked away from the window and leaned against the wall before slumping over and taking a few ragged breaths.

Joel kicked the sheets off and sat up. “What’s wrong?”

“That scared the hell out of me. I forgot what rain sounded like.”

“Well, how long as it been since you heard it?”

“I don’t know…too long.” Mike sighed and shook his head. “What else have I forgotten?”

“You’ve only been back on Earth for a month now. Give it time.”

“Do I really have time?” 

“Mike?” By this point, Joel had gotten out of bed and was standing up.

“I look at all these things I’ve forgotten about and it feels like I don’t belong on Earth anymore. Like…somebody threw me off a building and expected me to fly, and I can’t.” He turned his back to Joel. “I don’t know. I know this sounds stupid, but…I wanted to come back to Earth so badly, and now that I’m here, nothing is what I remember. Has everything really changed that much, or am I losing my mind?”

“Like I’ve said, you’ve only been here a month.” Joel walked over to the window, but stayed a few feet away from Mike. “You have pieces of memories. You need the rest of the pieces for the whole picture.”

“I don’t know where to get the rest of the pieces.” Mike leaned back against the wall, but kept his head down and face away from Joel. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of my family.”

Joel finally understood what had been bothering Mike the whole time. “No luck, I take it?”

“No. They don’t live at the house anymore. I don’t know if they just moved or if they…” His voice trailed off.

“What about Eddie?”

“I don’t know. Everyone’s left me. I don’t belong anymore.” 

Joel rushed over to Mike’s side and put an arm around him. “I can help you try and find them. If you haven’t found any death records, they’re likely still alive. Life goes on whether you’re here for it or not.”

_“That’s the problem!”_ Mike shrieked, clenching his hands into fists. “Everything’s happened without me, and I can’t keep up. It feels like everything is leaving me behind. Even you and the ‘bots.”

“But we’re all still here.”

“I know, but it feels like someday, you’ll all head off somewhere and I’ll never see you again. You’ve all been off doing your own thing and it feels like you’re going far away…”

It was true: Joel had thrown himself into his work with ConGypsCo and the hot fish shop again and hadn’t really been spending much time with Mike. He thought he had been doing right by Mike and the ‘bots in trying to work harder for more money in order to improve their current situation, but the realization that he’d been neglecting Mike while his psyche was still fragile from the earlier uprooting and subsequent culture shock seared through him like a third degree burn.

“I didn’t know. I wish you’d have said something to me. I’m always so clueless.” Joel pulled Mike against him and held him tightly.

“Well, I’m saying something now. Don’t…” Mike wrapped his arms around Joel’s shoulders and buried his face in the space where his arms crossed. “Don’t leave me like everyone else has.”

“I’m not letting you go again.” There was no response from Mike other than hysterical sobbing as he released the torrent of emotions that had been accumulating over the past month.

Although there had definitely been more going on with Mike than he realized, Joel was still angry with himself for letting things get out of hand. If he’d have bothered to talk to Mike more, or spend more time alone with him than he had, maybe Mike would have had an easier time adjusting. There had been the occasional snuggling or lazy makeout sessions when Mike initially moved in, but those had fallen by the wayside as Joel focused not only on his work, but also on taking care of the ‘bots. 

“I’m so sorry,” Joel murmured as he stroked Mike’s hair. “I really should have known…”

“Stop blaming yourself. That makes it hurt more.” 

Well, that was proof positive that Joel couldn’t even comfort Mike properly. What else could he do wrong? He couldn’t even get _that_ right. Everything he tried only ever ended up hurting everyone important to him.

Even if Mike didn’t think so, he knew had been right over a year ago. Some man he was.  
***  
After that morning, with Gypsy’s help, Joel began searching for Mike’s parents and brother. Now that Gypsy was doing well with her company, she didn’t need as much help; and Joel could spend less time working with her. She was earning enough to rent office space and hire some additional employees there, and was toying with the idea of an IPO. 

Gypsy was smart enough to figure all that out on her own, but public records weren’t Joel’s strong suit. Pushing paper at ConGypsCo made it easy for Gypsy to find needles in the haystacks of open source information, so the search was much easier with her on board.

Now that Gypsy went to an office every day, this left Cambot in charge of Tom and Crow during times when both Joel and Mike were away at the hot fish shop. They didn’t like that very much since Cambot kept them on a short leash, but until they were able to find some other arrangement, that couldn’t be helped. 

Gypsy finally hit pay dirt towards the end of June. Joel came back from the hot fish shop one day to find her in the kitchen talking to Mike. He ignored the conversation and went to the bedroom to get out of the clothes that were now covered in grease after an incident with the hush puppy fryer. Mike was right: that thing would need an exorcism at some point. He was busy debating what to do about the damned thing and didn’t even hear Mike come into the bedroom.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” 

“Huh?” Joel jumped a little in surprise, and turned to see Mike. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“No, that’s fine.” Mike closed the door behind him. “I don’t know if you heard, but Gypsy found my parents. She doesn’t know where Eddie is, but I can start there.”

“She did tell me about it earlier. Have you tried contacting them?”

“I haven’t been able to.” Mike sat down on the bed. “I, um…if it’s okay with you, I want to head to Minneapolis for a week or so. Would the shop be okay?”

“If it’s only a week, sure.”

“Will the ‘bots be okay?”

“I have Cambot and Gypsy here. They’ll be fine. It was just the five of us for all those years.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Mike noted with a discouraged tone. “You sure you’re okay with me going?”

Joel really didn’t want Mike going off without him, but he needed to think about what was best for Mike, not himself. “No, it’s fine. When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow, if that’s okay with you.”

“It is. Just call me when you’re up there, okay?”

“I will.” Mike got up and placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder. “Thanks.” With that, he left to go reconfirm some details with Gypsy.

Joel wasn’t sure why, but the fact that Mike would be gone for a week suddenly left him incredibly uneasy.


	7. Ain't No Sunshine

Joel’s insomnia had resolved itself when Mike and the ‘bots moved in, but now, it was back with a vengeance. The remaining Sominex in the medicine cabinet did not last very long, and even when it worked, Joel often found himself waking up in the middle of the night, reaching for the empty spot on the other side of the bed. 

Work at the hot fish shop went perfectly well. Joel had managed to fix the hush puppy fryer, and all of the employees were able to handle the business that came in without any major issues despite Mike being absent. One of the line cooks made an offhanded comment that maybe they didn’t need Mike after all. Joel didn’t say anything at the time, but he had taken the comment rather personally.

He had the ‘bots, so it wasn’t like he was actually alone. But there was always an audible silence even when the ‘bots were all making a racket. There was an empty chair at the breakfast table, an empty seat on the couch, less conversation, and less sarcastic commentary whenever someone saw or did something incredibly stupid. Joel also missed the little things, like the occasional stolen moment away from the ‘bots. During the second week after Mike moved in, they were up watching TV while the ‘bots were asleep and suddenly realized that they were riffing an episode of “Lou Dobbs Tonight.” Old habits really did die hard. 

Then there was also the day when Gypsy ended up needing to make a second breakfast because Joel had forgotten to eat since lunch the previous day despite making the ‘bots dinner, and he went hypoglycemic again. She really read him the riot act that day. It had been quite easy for Joel to forget to take care of himself again. Not only was Mike not there to take his turn in the kitchen or shovel down whatever had been put in front of him, but Joel hadn’t been all that hungry now that Mike was gone.

The effects were not only physical. The loneliness Joel had felt before his second trip to space returned, and he didn’t really feel like doing much of anything. Sure, he’d hang out with the ‘bots, but he wasn’t really present. His mind and his attention span would wander, and his heart just wasn’t in anything. It had only been two months, but he had become accustomed to Mike’s presence. 

The cook might not have needed Mike, but Joel did.  
***  
The following Thursday, Gypsy called Joel at work to tell him that Mike called and said he was on his way home. Joel told his assistant manager that he would be having lunch at home that day and drove back to the apartment to see what was going on. He realized he was a little _too_ happy that Mike had come back. It had only been two months. Had he become codependent during that period?

Joel closed the door behind him and looked around. Nobody was there. “Mike?” he called out.

“In here,” came a dejected reply from the bedroom. 

Joel rushed to the bedroom to find Mike sitting on the bed with his elbows on his thighs, head cradled in his hands. “Mike! What’s wrong?!”

“Life did go on without me.”

“What do you mean?” Joel walked over to the bed and sat down next to Mike. “You saw your parents, right?”

“Yeah. It was no wonder I couldn’t find them. They’re in a home now. There’s no way they can live by themselves at this point. And Mom…she’s not dead, but she might as well be.” Mike noticed the confused look on Joel’s face. “Alzheimer’s,” he explained. “As far as she’s concerned, I just graduated high school and Carter is still president.”

“God.” Learning of his dad’s death had been a major blow for Joel, but at least he apparently died peacefully. Mike’s mom, on the other hand, would deteriorate until there was no spark of life left in an empty vessel that would remain hollow until finally shutting down. It was probably best that his dad was already long gone and buried by the time he returned to Green Bay, and he didn’t have to watch a progressive deterioration of a once vibrant parent like Mike would. 

Joel figured it was best to change the subject. “What about your dad?”

“He can’t get around without the wheelchair anymore, but otherwise, he’s fine. Kept asking me if I had a girlfriend.”

“That sounds familiar.” Joel rolled his eyes. “And Eddie?”

“Unless I get out to Phoenix, I’m not seeing him anytime soon, but I can try giving him a call sometime. I did meet Tanya, though.”

“Tanya?” Joel repeated.

“His ex-wife.”

“Wait, he was married? When did that happen?”

“I didn’t know that, either. Apparently they started going out after I got shot into space and got married two years later. It didn’t work out and he took a construction job in Phoenix after the divorce was finalized. That’s all I know.” 

“Think you’ll ever go out to see him?”

“Yeah, eventually. I haven’t been to Arizona in years. This time though, I’d rather you went with me. I didn’t do too well without you.”

“Really?” Joel asked, curious. Maybe they really did need to stay together after all.

“I thought I should see them on my own, but somehow, it’s harder without you there. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.” Mike gave up thinking about it and placed an arm around Joel’s waist. “I missed you.”

Joel moved closer to hug Mike. “I missed you, too. It’s not the same without you here.” 

“Unlike last time, I knew I’d see you again soon, but…” Mike tightened his grip around Joel’s waist. “I just want you close by, is all.” 

“Mike…” Joel lifted his left hand and ran his fingers down the edge of Mike’s left cheek. The memories of their second meeting, along with all of the feelings, came rushing back in a deluge that threatened to overwhelm him.

“Don’t say another word.” Mike leaned over and kissed Joel for what felt like the first time in ages. 

The depression and anxiety of the past week crumbled away, leaving only bliss in their wake as Joel pulled Mike closer, kissing him deeply. This was the first time he had felt at peace since…well, whenever the last time had been. Whatever this blissful feeling was, this eye in the hurricane, he wanted more of it. He _needed_ it, like a drought-stricken prairie needed a rainstorm.

Two months ago, he had not wanted to let go of the treasure he had finally obtained. Yet, he almost let it slip between his fingers. He had let himself lose sight of what was truly important.

He would not make that mistake again.


	8. Early Morning Indiscretion

Joel opened one eye and peered at the alarm clock. One more hour until he needed to be up. He mindlessly extended his arm towards the other side of the bed and jolted further awake when he hit Mike. He suddenly remembered: yes, Mike had come back.

“Hmm?” Mike rolled onto his back and turned his head to look at Joel.

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“I was already up anyway. Couldn’t sleep anymore.” He pushed himself over to Joel’s side of the bed and lay down on his right side.

Joel extended his arm again and placed it around Mike’s shoulders. “Are you okay?” Their conversation the previous day still weighed heavily on his mind. 

“Well, as okay as I’ll ever be.” 

“Makes sense.” Joel rolled onto his left side and moved his neck up slightly to kiss Mike. It was well past time to start paying more attention to him. Judging by the sudden embrace and the kisses in return, Mike didn’t seem to mind.

The dreamlike sensation returned as they pulled one another closer, lips meeting in kisses that never really ended, delicate at first before becoming more desperate. Mike then tested the waters, parting his lips before gliding his tongue into Joel’s mouth.

Joel shivered in surprise, yet was spellbound at the same time. Before meeting Mike, it had been a long time since anyone kissed him romantically, but even longer since someone kissed him like that. He gently slid his tongue over Mike’s in response. When Mike’s hands reached the small of Joel’s back, he pressed down firmly while rolling onto his back, pulling Joel on top of him. Joel relaxed his weight on top of Mike, enthralled at the slight moan in response. Mike’s hands, mouth, tongue, and breath were reanimating long-fallow feelings, emotions he had long considered dead and buried. 

Both men froze when they heard the bedroom door open. They parted and turned to see Tom and Crow standing in the doorway.

There were a few extremely uncomfortable moments of silence until a gobsmacked Crow slowly pushed the door shut.  
***  
So this was why it was called the walk of shame.

By this time, both men were dressed as they headed into the kitchen, met with four dumbstruck gazes at the kitchen table.

Gypsy was the first to speak. “I’m not surprised. Joel, you’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

Tom looked around at the others before speaking. “So…does this make Mike our mom?”

“Mom?!” Mike parroted back, flabbergasted.

“Well, yeah,” Tom reasoned. “There’s always the mom and the dad. And Joel created us, so I guess he’s our dad…”

“Can you not call me ‘mom,’ please?” Mike pleaded tersely.

“So we’re now a two-parent, nuclear household?” Crow wondered aloud.

“We always were,” Joel muttered, trying not to say or do anything stupid. All of those 1950s domestic shorts the Mads sent along had clearly had much more of an effect on the ‘bots than he had realized.

“You know, Joel, I’ve been meaning to ask…” Gypsy began. “When’s the last time you two went on a date?”

“A _WHAT?!_ ” Joel cried in shock.

“A _DAAA—AAATE!_ ” Gypsy repeated, dragging out the last word for emphasis. “Or haven’t you two been on one?” She paused for a few moments as Mike and Joel stood in dumbfounded silence. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You really should fix that.”

“Yeah, you can go to the weenie roast!” Crow exclaimed.

“Or on the bicycle trip!” Tom chimed in.

“I…think we can figure that out ourselves,” Mike muttered.

Gypsy turned towards Mike, gazing at him expectantly. “So, what are you two waiting for?”

“Okay, okay…” Mike’s gaze darted nervously around the room for a few moments. “Joel, would you like to go out with me this weekend?”

“Sure, I’d love to,” Joel replied.

“There! _WAS THAT SO HARD?!_ ” Gypsy screeched.

“Forget that!” Tom snapped. “What’s for breakfast?”

Gypsy stared at him in disbelief. “After all that, _that’s_ what you’re worried about?”

“Well, yeah,” Crow broke in. “Why do you think we barged in there in the first place? They were taking way too long to get up and make breakfast, so…”

Joel averted his gaze towards the ceiling, unsure of how to navigate the tightrope between frustration and outright mortification. “You boys are more than capable of getting your own breakfast.”

“But Mike’s not letting us use the stove again after we needed the fire extinguisher last week and we’re out of milk!” Crow objected. 

“Okay, fine,” Joel muttered. “I’ll make pancakes.” 

“YAAAYYYY!” chorused his verbal creations.

Joel dug through the cupboards in search of the pancake mix. At least cooking would provide a welcome distraction from worrying about what the hell both he and Mike had gotten themselves into.


	9. What To Do On a Date

It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. They’d been living and sleeping together for almost three months, and it wasn’t like Joel had to dress up or do anything to impress Mike. They already knew each other well enough.

So why was he so nervous? 

Joel had convinced Marissa to abandon the frying stations at the hot fish shop long enough to hang out and babysit the ‘bots for a few hours. He did have to admit, it was a huge relief to have someone watching the ‘bots, and he was tempted to use her services again in the future. However, if he and Mike were planning to keep going out by themselves again, they’d eventually need to find someone else. Marissa was headed to Michigan State in the fall. 

Despite the load off his shoulders there, that didn’t seem to help. It wasn’t like he and Mike hadn’t spent time alone before. Things had been fine until Gypsy had used the word date, what with all the connotations attached. 

Maybe that was the problem: all of his romantic relationships had, for various reasons, crashed and burned. Perhaps if he didn’t think of this as an actual date, it wouldn’t be so nerve-wracking. Then maybe everything wouldn’t go wrong like it always did.

For whatever reason, more than anything else, he really didn’t want to screw this up.

In a rare moment of astuteness, Joel had previously let Mike decide what to do that night instead of overextending himself trying to make everything absolutely perfect. Thankfully, Mike kept it a fairly low-key affair. They had dinner at the Norske Nook, where they mostly talked about safe topics, though ConGypsCo’s upcoming IPO on August 1st was a dominant matter. Joel did need to explain what an IPO was, and his nerves made his tendency to use numerous words while still managing to remain reticent even worse. Despite that, Mike was somehow still able to understand, though he didn’t want to buy into the stock like Joel had. 

Obviously he wanted to support Gypsy, but Joel had a few other ideas in mind when he agreed to buy shares. ConGypsCo was doing much better than either he or Gypsy could have imagined, and had already outgrown the space Gypsy was renting. She was currently searching for a larger office space and another 50 employees.

When the food came, Joel couldn’t help but notice that Mike, who was normally a human garbage disposal, was barely touching his plate.

“Is something wrong, or are you just saving room for pie?”

“Huh?” Mike glanced down at his plate, then back up at Joel, “N-no, I’m fine. It’s all good.” Mike crammed several forkfuls of mashed potatoes into his mouth before swallowing, at which point he began to choke. He shoved his glass of water against his mouth, ignoring the ice and the straw tumbling onto his lap, and gulped it down, prompting worried gawks from both Joel and a nearby waitress.

“…Are you okay?”

Mike slammed the now-empty glass back down onto the table. “Fine. I’m fine.”

“Your face is red.”

“Um…” Mike bent over his plate and clenched his fist around his fork.

“It’s not a race.”

Mike reluctantly let go of his fork and threw his head back, sighing heavily. “Well, there goes my hope of not doing anything stupid tonight. At least it’s not as bad as last time.”

“Last time?” Joel repeated.

“If you’re taking a date to the aquarium, don’t eat at a seafood restaurant beforehand.”

Joel doubled over in laughter, then caught himself and looked back at Mike. “Sorry, I just…”

“Not one of my brightest moments.” 

“Well, at least you got her to the aquarium after the restaurant. Sometimes I never even got that far.”

“Mom was right. Some women really don’t know a good thing when they see it.”

“Huh?” Joel felt a jolt run through him.

Mike recoiled and began blabbering. “Ah, um, well, that’s, I mean…” He forced himself to take a deep breath before speaking again. “I had one more place I wanted to go after this. Still want to come along?”

“Yeah, sure,” Joel replied with a nod.

“Whew, okay. Good.” Mike took another deep breath before picking up his fork and eating at a normal pace. 

Joel couldn’t help but smile to himself as he went back to his own dinner. _Now_ who was nervous?   
***  
They had both been to Elm Creek Park Reserve several times, but this was the first time they had been there alone together. Now that they weren’t busy herding the ‘bots to try and keep them out of trouble, they could actually enjoy the surroundings for a change.

They set out on one of the uphill trails, discussing various things they spotted, which led to reminiscing about outdoor activities long past, like the time Eddie climbed a tree and tied a towel around his neck thinking he could fly if he jumped from the tallest branch. Thankfully, his fear of heights kicked in halfway up the tree, though their dad had to come get him down. 

Joel laughed, and couldn’t help but notice that this was twice in one day. “Well, at least he wasn’t in the Australian Outback. Something would have eaten or stung him halfway up the tree. Everything there is actively trying to kill you.”

Mike’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that.”

“About what?”

“Obviously you know all about me coming back to Earth, but you never talk much about life before Osseo and the hot fish shop once you came back.”

Great, just what he needed: a hardball question. “I prefer not to remember.” 

A concerned expression crossed Mike’s face. “It’s…what we talked about on the SOL, isn’t it?”

Joel nodded solemnly.

“Right,” Mike said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I did have a week-long migraine after crash landing in the Outback.” Joel left out the fact that Mike was the first person he had told.

“Actually, it does,” Mike admitted. “I felt so guilty you and the ‘bots were stuck taking care of me.”

“I told you I wasn’t letting go again, what with all that entailed.”

Mike’s expression grew more serious as they reached the top of the hill, where a bench marked the trail’s halfway point. “Can we take a break?” When Joel nodded, he walked over to the bench and sat down, with Joel not far behind.

“You know…” Mike turned to Joel and gazed at him intently. “This is really the first time I’ve gotten you to talk about yourself.”

“What do you mean?” Joel inquired, perplexed. “I’ve told you all about life before and after the SOL.” 

“Yeah, but you still won’t open up. I want to know you.”

Now Joel was just getting even more puzzled. “We’ve lived together for almost three months now. You know me pretty well already. I mean, we even—“

“That’s not what I mean,” Mike stated slowly, in a more deliberate tone. “Details and histories aren’t important. Three months later, you’re still incredibly guarded. I want to know _you._ ”

Joel shuddered apprehensively. Mike had already seen him at his most vulnerable aboard the SOL, and he hated that part of himself. Staying emotionally cloistered was how he had dealt with all those years alone, and for Mike to suddenly ask him to lower the drawbridge…

“It’s all right.” Mike clutched both of Joel’s hands in his, and Joel was unsure if Mike was trying to make him feel better, keep him from running away, or both. “Give it time. That’s what you told me.”

“Okay…I guess.”

Mike smiled and nodded approvingly, but didn’t release Joel’s hands.

As Joel’s mind wandered, he observed that dusk was approaching, and they probably had half an hour before the park closed. Those bluegreen eyes seemed to sparkle in the fading sunset as Mike’s expression remained transfixed upon him in a cross of pleading and concern. Joel felt the instinct to soothe and protect Mike returning, but at this moment, in this dying light, other feelings stirred deep within, emotions which had no name, but provoked the sudden instinct to just lean over and kiss him…

_So why don’t you?_

The specter of doubt flickered momentarily in Joel’s psyche, but was soon overpowered by the stirring from realms unknown; parts of his mind he never knew existed. He held Mike’s hands a little tighter as he leaned in further, easing over until their lips pressed together. 

The emotional maelstrom from that first night in space came gushing back as time stood still and the rest of the world faded away. For those all too brief moments, there was no trail, no bench, no sky above or earth below them. Only Mike, his hands, and his kiss were real.

When Mike pulled back, he, too, noticed the swiftly waning daylight. “Let’s finish this later. We’d better hurry.” 

Joel nodded silently and followed Mike off the bench and towards the next leg of the trail.  
***  
Mike and Joel returned to the apartment to find the ‘bots asleep around the couch, where Marissa was watching one of those CW shows full of excessively pretty people with half-assed problems. Thankfully, everything that could possibly be broken was still in one piece. After Marissa said good night and went home, they went to the bedroom to change.

“Gypsy’s right,” Mike observed as he dug through the dresser for a clean pair of sleep shorts. “We really should do this more often.”

“Yeah, though we’ll need to find someone other than Marissa once school starts.” Joel crammed his street clothes into the already overflowing hamper and cursed the fact that they would need to do laundry sooner rather than later. 

Mike walked over to the hamper and deposited his clothes on the floor, not even bothering to try and create additional hamper space for them. “Remember what I said earlier about finishing what we started?”

“Oh…right,” Joel replied with a smile as he felt Mike’s hands around his waist. Then again, that was how good dates were supposed to end. At least, that’s what he figured. Most of his prior dates ended with the girl saying good night and just going inside, and then he would never hear from her again.

Joel placed his hands below Mike’s shoulders as he arched his neck up slightly for a brief kiss. There were a few quick, light kisses before they both heard shuffling nearby. Both men looked towards the bedroom door to see four heads craned around the edge of the door, peering inside.

_“Do you mind?!”_ Mike snapped.

“Weren’t you all just asleep?” Joel tried and failed to keep the impatient tone out of his voice.

“Well, we _were_ asleep,” Tom explained. “But we heard you come in and we just had to see how it ended.”

“I suppose I don’t need to ask how your date went,” Gypsy quipped. 

“It was fine,” Joel muttered. “Go back to sleep.”

“We’re not tired!” Crow protested. “It’s not even 10:00 yet! Can we stay up and watch movies? Please?”

Giving in wasn’t setting a very good example, but Joel was not in the mood for an argument. “Fine. Go pick something out.” 

“YAAAYYY!” The ‘bots rushed excitedly away from the door, and Joel bit his lip in aggravation. Now that they’d had a nap, they’d be up and running around for hours. This would be a long night.


	10. Homestead

Labor Day weekend was always a busy time at the hot fish shop. With the unofficial end of summer approaching the following weekend, this meant all hands on deck in anticipation of the crowds that would swarm the place in an attempt to cram as much summer as they could into what would soon become a rapid descent into autumn. For this reason, inventory and payroll became major priorities, and it wasn’t long before Joel found work creeping into his personal life again. While he tried to make it a point to spend time with Mike and the ‘bots, this meant not getting as much done as he would like at any given point. Since there was no way to cram extra hours into a day, this meant several late nights with very little sleep and gallons of coffee, much to Mike’s discontent. 

This was why Mike appeared pleasantly surprised the night that Joel was in the bedroom before midnight. Mike wasn’t asleep, either, though. He was in bed with the markets section of the _Wall Street Journal,_ possibly as a sleep aid.

“What are you reading _that_ for?” Joel asked.

“Gypsy came over with this earlier and she was all excited. She said ConGypsCo’s IPO was about to pop, but I’m not seeing a pop anywhere in here. Then again, it’s not like I know what any of this means anyway.” Mike tossed the paper aside and let it tumble to the floor. “At least you’re here at a decent hour.”

Wordlessly, Joel finished changing and collapsed flat on his back onto his side of the bed.

Mike’s eyes narrowed as he gazed down at Joel disapprovingly. “Keep this up and you’ll have a heart attack by December.”

Four hours of sleep every night were taking their toll on Joel, but all of the work wasn’t going to finish itself. “The shop needs me,” he protested weakly. 

“The shop needs you in one piece. Who’ll manage everything if you keel over and die someday?”

“Just one more month.” They were already having a good year at the shop, and if finances were anywhere near Joel’s estimate for September, they wouldn’t have to worry about money at all during the offseason. “If we can just finish strong…”

Mike cut him off. “Look, I already told you. I can go back to temping in the winter. I’d rather do that than have you burn yourself out and get sick.” He rolled over onto his side so that he was facing Joel. “Stop making me worry.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You really need to relax.” Mike inched over to Joel’s side of the bed and moved to kiss Joel’s left cheek, languidly kissing down the side of his face before moving to his neck.

“Relax, you say?” Joel asked with a mischievous smile.

“Well, I need to get your mind off of things _somehow…_ ” Mike gently kissed his way back up, stopping to nibble at the earlobe a bit before running his tongue behind it, eliciting a simultaneous gasp and quiver from the other man.

It was Mike’s turn to adopt the mischievous tone. “Hmm, so you like that, huh? Good to know.” He flicked his tongue over the sweet spot he had just discovered, thoroughly enjoying the strained whimpers he elicited before crawling to position himself over Joel, then kissing him deeply.

Joel returned the kiss and grabbed Mike’s shoulders, pulling him down before parting his lips and thrusting his tongue into the other man’s mouth, triggering groping and more forceful kisses in response. Over the past year and a half, Joel had forced himself to squelch any less than chaste thoughts of Mike that crept into his mind. But ever since April, he had been fighting a losing battle with the thoughts and yearning gradually building up within, increasing in magnitude, like the waves of a tsunami, threatening to surge throughout his psyche.

This was why he offered no resistance when Mike’s wandering hand found its way between his legs, over the material of his navy blue shorts. Mike immediately pulled himself back and retracted his hand in sudden realization, but staggered to a halt when Joel seized his wrist. Joel paused and stared intently into Mike’s eyes for a few moments before slowly placing the hand back where it had last been.

There was an instant of hesitation before Mike leisurely traced his fingertips over the material while watching Joel to gauge his reaction. Despite the lack of any audible or visual response, something spurred him to continue, and he pressed down, tightening his fingers, varying his grip and movement as he started to figure out what was and wasn’t working. 

Joel couldn’t remember how long it had been since he had done this sort of thing with anyone, let alone experienced these kinds of longings and sensations, but he found himself responding to Mike’s touch in more ways than one. When he felt Mike’s hand at his waist, he raised his hips to allow the other man to pull everything he had been wearing down his legs. He kicked the items onto the floor and momentarily basked in the sudden nakedness, vulnerable and yet safe at the same time.

Mike laid back down and propped himself on his right arm for support before leaning over for a gentle, lingering kiss. The relaxed exhilaration coursing throughout Joel was so strong, so intoxicating, that he almost didn’t feel the clasp and motion of Mike’s other hand until he was close, nearly adrift in a wave of ecstasy that threatened to rob him of his senses. 

This wasn’t the first time anyone had done this, but the closeness of their bodies, Mike’s expressions when he glanced towards him, and the occasional kiss threatened to rend him asunder. Somehow, this was different.

Then suddenly, with a series of spasms and guttural gasps, it was over. 

Joel felt himself melt into the mattress as Mike leaned against him, watching attentively as he came back down from the stratosphere and regained some vestige of coherence. 

“Feel better?”

Joel nodded weakly and felt around more carelessly than he would have liked, eventually resting his hand on the material tenting Mike’s arousal.

“Don’t worry about it,” Mike told him with a faint smile. 

“You sure?” 

If there had been any further response from Mike other than his affirmative nod, it was lost in the ether as Joel sank into a jet-black oblivion.  
***  
One week later, Gypsy barged into the bedroom before sunrise with that morning’s copy of the _Wall Street Journal,_ squealing at the top of her lungs. No wonder she was so excited: after the NYSE had closed the previous afternoon, the price of ConGypsCo stock had finally popped as she had predicted, and was now worth an additional $300 from its initial IPO price.

Joel wasn’t sure which was more astonishing: the fact that the stock price had jumped that much prior to the 60-day mark, or the fact that she had completely disregarded what probably would have turned into a makeout session had she not interrupted anything.

Whatever the case, Joel’s gamble on ConGypsCo had paid off much better than he could have hoped. After selling half of the shares he had initially acquired prior to the IPO, this meant that he and Mike finally had enough for a down payment on a house. After that, they were able to seriously start looking, which meant afternoons of getting lost due to the realtor’s temperamental GPS, going through other people’s houses, and passing judgment on their decorating choices. There were several nights they would lie awake discussing what they had seen, and the conversation would always veer back to the same topic: why the hell did so many people paint their walls dog shit brown, and who at HGTV thought that was a good idea to begin with? Also, whoever insisted granite countertops were desirable needed to be whacked upside the head. 

They finally closed on their chosen house in mid-November: a 4-bedroom colonial with two full bathrooms to stave off any further arguments over who was taking too long, a basement where Joel could set up a workshop, and a small plot of land that resembled a backyard. At least this meant very little yard work or mowing. After they took the master bedroom for themselves, Tom and Crow got two of the other bedrooms; since they had each been accustomed to having their own rooms on the SOL. Cambot and Gypsy were both sharing the largest remaining bedroom, but Joel wanted to put a wall in the middle so each of them would have their own room and some privacy. 

It took everyone two days to recover from the move (and the realization that they all owned more crap than they thought), but once they were settled in, Mike brought back a bottle of Wild Turkey one night to celebrate. Joel and Mike managed to finish the bottle that night, and from what Joel could remember, it was like a slumber party, except with alcohol and no one coming downstairs screaming at you to go to bed right this minute. Apparently they had a little too much fun, because they woke up to a note under the bedroom door indicating that Gypsy did not care for their 4 AM cover of ELO’s “I’m Alive.” 

The housing situation had been a huge stressor for Joel since Mike and the ‘bots had moved in, so with that settled, he felt like a solid provider for a change. However, there was one thing he couldn’t help but notice: when Mike had initially taken up residence in the bedroom back at the apartment, he kept thinking that they’d solve the sleeping situation when they got a house, and each of them would have their own bedroom. Yet, once they began actually looking for a house, the idea of two separate bedrooms was no longer a consideration. 

Although they had gone on a couple more dates since June, those ended up falling by the wayside as other aspects of their life got even busier. Between finishing the season at the hot fish shop, house hunting, moving, taking care of the ‘bots, and Mike returning to temp work for the winter months, there wasn’t much time left over after all of that was finished. 

Even though Joel had initially been hesitant about dating Mike, he now found himself missing the ability to be alone with him. Somewhere along the way, he also no longer freaked out whenever Gypsy used the term “date” to describe the outings. Joel’s realization of all these changes, as well as subsequent reflections on them, often led him to wonder just what the hell was going on. 

All of the thoughts and emotions just made everything that much more confusing. Joel always wanted to spend as much time with Mike as he possibly could, and if Mike wasn’t around for whatever reason, thoughts of him always crept into Joel’s mind, even if he was slammed with shop paperwork or repairing something the ‘bots broke for the millionth time. He also wasn’t sure exactly when it happened, but pronoun usage when discussing his future plans with friends and family had evolved from “I” and “me” to “us” and “we,” as in “We’re not coming for Thanksgiving this year; we just moved. Maybe for Christmas.” Joel still remembered how bewildered he had been after realizing that he said that to his mom when she called asking about his plans for the holidays. 

Changes were occurring, and he wasn’t sure what to make of any of them. Back when he was still building the spaceship, he had figured that once he rescued everyone, he could understand all the thoughts and feelings he was experiencing. That had not been the case. Not only did he still have no clue what they were, but they were also building momentum. 

It didn’t matter if they were alone or if the ‘bots were there. Any moments spent with Mike were the happiest. And yet, along with this happiness came fear. Not only was Joel drifting in the midst of uncharted waters without a compass and unsure of how to proceed, but deep in the inner recesses of his mind, there was always the fear of losing everything he had in an instant: the house, the ‘bots, the shop, and _Mike._  
  
Clayton Forrester was dead, and it was highly unlikely that his mother would ever bother tracking them down. She had far bigger plans, and hunting down her son’s test subjects would be an unwelcome distraction. But sometimes it felt like his life was going _too_ well now, and the universe would correct itself someday. Anything was possible: foreclosure, death, disease, the shop or ConGypsCo going under, a stock market crash, someone moving out after a fight, domestic discord, irreparable damage to the ‘bots, the car getting totaled, Soultaker Frank, not making enough money, natural disasters, space radiation, a mental breakdown, or even the SOL, wherever it was, crashing down on the house. If anything was even infinitesimally possible, Joel would find some reason to worry about it.

Maybe he really did need medication after all. But he did _not_ want to see another therapist, even if his mom insisted. The insomnia and dreams had subsided since Mike and the ‘bots moved in, but the voice in the back of his head still told him he wasn’t good enough. Recently, it had started wondering what the hell Mike was doing with someone like him. 

If he went to another therapist, it would be the same as last time: pour out your soul with barely a word of acknowledgement in response, get asked intrusive questions, fork over the copay, get a prescription, pay for that, take the medicine, and feel nothing. Or, alternatively, lose your mind due to side effects. That had not happened with the Paxil, but Joel wasn’t about to take chances with anything else. Why would he want to take something to alter his mind if he didn’t know what was wrong with it in the first place? The last thing he needed was to lose more control of himself, or of his life. 

He’d have to figure out all of these thoughts, emotions, and doubts on his own. And that was what scared him the most.


	11. Learning to Fly

The beginning of December brought several inches of snow on top of the season-long layer of permafrost that would remain until the weather decided to actually warm up during the spring. Even for Minnesota, the past few weeks had been incredibly cold, which led to all of the open water freezing over fairly quickly.

When Mike had insisted on heading to Eagle Lake to take everyone ice skating, Joel didn’t understand why they couldn’t just head to the Depot rink since it was warmer, but Mike said something about it not being as much fun as skating outside and then ran off to grab his skates. Whatever. 

As they sat in the warming house lacing up their skates, Joel couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Mike this excited about anything. It was kind of contagious. That was one thing that fascinated Joel about Mike: Mike’s emotions had no setting between off and high. Whatever he was feeling at any given moment, he always felt it intensely. The idea of allowing one to lose themselves to their feelings was foreign to Joel, but then again, he had only survived this long alone by not allowing himself to feel. Just as tipping your hand in poker was a terrible idea, so too was displaying too much emotion. On the off chance it didn’t consume you; it could be used against you. 

And yet, there was Mike, pausing briefly to steady himself before pushing away from the water’s edge with one leg, with a grin that grew broader as he picked up speed. Joel stared blankly as he attempted to balance himself before gingerly stepping out onto the ice. It had been years since he had been in ice skates, and he had never been terribly good at any type of skating.

Joel shifted his weight right and left, back and forth, feeling himself wobble a few times as he attempted to remain upright. Once he figured that his next move wouldn’t knock him flat on his back, he shuffled away from the water’s edge, trying to get a decent rhythm going. 

That lasted for all of five seconds, as the next few pushes towards Mike ended with him flat on his face.

At least Crow wasn’t having an easy time of it either. He valiantly pushed himself back up every time he fell, and would splay across the ice every time he attempted to stand up. The scene reminded Joel of Bambi’s attempts to imitate Thumper’s pirouettes across the pond.

Tom, meanwhile, hovered between the two of them nonchalantly. “I don’t see what’s so hard about this,” he stated offhandedly as he did an about face and floated back to the warming house to join Gypsy for some hot chocolate. 

By this point, Mike had made his way back to the two less than capable figures outstretched on the ice. He picked up Crow below the shoulders and held on as Crow’s legs skittered wildly.

“You’re too stiff,” he advised. “Bend your knees more.” When Crow complied, he moved his hands from Crow’s sides and took the smaller metal hands in his. “Yeah, that’s better. Pretend you’re trying to squat when you go forward.” Mike moved slowly to help Crow acclimate, inching along as Crow got a feel for the technique.

By this point, Joel had pushed himself back up, and only managed not to fall by stiffening up like a board before bending into a quasi-squat.

“I see what the problem is,” Mike said as he approached Joel with Crow chugging along beneath him. “You’re using the tips of the skates. The foot needs to be level or you’ll fall over.”

Joel frowned in contemplation as he stuck his right leg out, angling his foot over the ice, and ever so gradually set it back down in front of him. 

“Yeah, like that. Except you won’t get very far stomping around like Godzilla.”

“Gee, _thanks,_ ” Joel deadpanned, but immediately shortened his strides. Mike had the right idea, and moving his feet parallel to the ice actually helped him steady himself. As Joel inched along, he turned his head to watch Mike and Crow, who were moving slightly faster as Mike adjusted his speed to encourage Crow, who was starting to get the hang of moving on skates. 

“I think you have it,” Mike stated. “Put your arms out like an airplane.” Mike widened his stance as Crow complied. “Yeah, like that. I’m gonna let go of one hand and see how you do, okay?” He let go of Crow’s left hand, and shifted his hands so that Crow’s right hand was in his left before spinning around so that he was on Crow’s right. “I’ll go slowly. I just want you to keep moving like you were before, all right?” Crow nodded, and the two of them moved away, gradually picking up speed.

Joel watched the two of them move, fascinated by the dynamic he saw. Mike’s face lit up as Crow improved, and he was overjoyed when he finally let go and let Crow skate away on his own, cheering as Crow made it back to the warming house, then returned to the center of the ice, at a fairly decent tempo without falling.

What he was watching was not advising or instructing. It was parenting. Mike had lovingly instilled a new ability and was incredibly proud when Crow executed his new skill far better than any of them could have ever imagined. The gleam in Mike’s eyes and the exalted smile crossing his face suddenly took on a new light in Joel’s mind.

Mike turned and looked directly at Joel, smiling as their eyes met. Joel felt a sudden pulsation race through him before eyeing Mike derisively.

“What about me?” he asked sardonically. “Am I not important enough for personal instruction?”

“You’re next.” Mike glided over to Joel and grabbed both of his hands. “He was first since you don’t need as much help.”

“Were you not watching me earlier?” Joel inquired in disbelief. 

“Of course I was. I think the problem is you just forgot how to skate. I’m not expecting you to go fast, but try it.” Mike tightened his grip on Joel’s hands as he pushed away with one leg, prompting Joel to begin moving forward. Joel couldn’t help but notice that it was Mike doing most of the work as they moved in tandem, clutching hands, moving faster and faster as Joel gained confidence. 

As the scenery swept by around them, Mike turned his head to look at Joel and smiled. Joel smiled back sheepishly, shuddering a little as his skin tingled, even though he wasn’t the slightest bit cold. 

Eventually, Mike let go of Joel to let him try again on his own. By this point, Joel had skating down fairly well, but he couldn’t move anywhere near as well or as quickly as Mike. As Mike skated by, he turned and chuckled at him.

“What’s so funny?” Joel asked with a twinge of bemusement in his voice.

Mike beamed broadly. “I’m better than you at something for a change.” With that, he pushed himself forward and lifted his leg perpendicularly behind him in one fell swoop. 

Joel crossed his arms across his chest. “Okay, now you’re just showing off.” 

Mike laughed and returned his leg to the ice, building up momentum as he sped around in wide circles, throwing his head back with an expression of sheer euphoria as he moved faster and faster. Joel then realized: this was Mike as he really was, his true self, able to act as he pleased when he was no longer encumbered by the layers of daily life. While he was obviously ecstatic, it was unlikely Mike would ever act like this around just anyone. To voluntarily lose himself under the watchful eyes of Joel and the ‘bots required an incredible amount of trust.

Mike trusted Joel enough to open up and be himself in front of him. Effectively, he was handing Joel the keys to the kingdom, allowing Joel to peer into the innermost recesses of his soul, and being perfectly fine with it. 

Joel’s thoughts ceased when he misjudged his next step and fell back, landing in a heap on the ice.

“He’s falling for you, Mike!” Gypsy quipped from the warming house. The only response was a series of giggles from the other ‘bots.

That had not been one of Gypsy’s better jokes. But several hours later, as he pondered the day’s events shortly before going to bed, the sudden realization hit Joel: that was _exactly_ what was happening.

And he had absolutely no idea what to do.  
***  
Maybe Mike had been onto something when he had everyone play outside in the cold. The ‘bots actually went to bed before midnight. Granted, they’d probably get up again in the middle of the night, but this gave both Joel and Mike a reprieve.

Normally, reading in bed helped to shut down Joel’s mind long enough for him to turn out the light and lie down, but the adrenaline rush from earlier must have been making it harder to sleep than he thought. Apparently Mike had the same problem, since once he was in bed, he simply lay on his back vacantly staring at the ceiling, not bothering to turn out the light on his side either. 

“Dammit, I can’t sleep,” Mike stated flatly after a few minutes.

“Me neither.” Joel put the book down on his nightstand and pushed himself over to Mike, lying so that their bodies touched. Maybe snuggling would work. “I had fun today.”

“I’m glad.” Mike smiled slightly and placed an arm around Joel. “You didn’t hurt yourself too badly from all that falling?”

Joel shrugged slightly. “I’ve done worse.” He moved in slightly and quickly kissed Mike.

Mike rolled onto his side to face Joel and placed his hands on the small of Joel’s back, pulling him closer for a longer kiss. They remained there for a bit, exchanging kisses that increased in length and intensity, and each came to the eventual realization that neither of them was really in any mood to get to sleep by this point. 

The winter layers came off, and they came to rely on each other and the intermittent cycles of the space heater for warmth as they moved together, skin gliding against skin, hands wandering wherever they pleased, turning all of the dormant synapses back on again as each responded to the other’s touch.

The hand that found its way between Joel’s legs rekindled fantasies that he previously dared not speak. But now, the shroud of trepidation had evaporated, and the synthesis of adoration and desire spurred a newfound courage he had never thought himself capable of possessing.

“You know…” Joel pulled back a little, smiling flirtatiously. “There’s something I’ve wanted to try for a while now.”

Mike’s eyes grew wide as he shuddered, hands clenching into fists. “I don’t want to do _that_ yet.”

“ _That_ is not what I was talking about,” Joel immediately clarified. “Neither do I. But, I was thinking…” He placed his hands on Mike’s shoulders and gently pushed him down onto his back. “Maybe you’d like this…” With that, he moved down and grasped Mike’s shaft before lowering his head and brushing his tongue across a small section of the length.

Mike twitched in response to the initial contact, gasping raggedly. “God, Joel…”

Taking Mike’s reaction as permission to continue, Joel tilted his head slightly as he lightly and slowly ran his tongue up and down, playing with different angles, and hoping Mike wouldn’t realize he had no idea what the hell he was doing. He remained unsure of himself, but the stifled gasps in response spurred him forth; and he lightly caressed the head with his lips and tongue, basking in the sudden whimpers before closing his lips around it.

“Oh, that’s good…” Mike turned his head to one side, pressing his cheek against the pillow and tangling the fingers of his right hand in Joel’s hair. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Joel pushed his head down, stopping about halfway as he wondered how in the hell porn stars manage to override the gag reflex. It was unclear just when the seed had blossomed, but he was finally allowing himself to submit to the yearning to give Mike _everything._

Well, _almost_ everything. That was a threshold he was not yet ready to cross. 

Resuming the same leisurely pace, Joel lifted his head again, pausing briefly to check Mike’s reaction before sliding back down. Although it became easier as Joel got used to the new movements and sensations, he was reluctant to move any further or faster. Then again, judging by the incoherent pleading between gasps and stuttered moans, he probably didn’t need to.

Mike grabbed a fistful of Joel’s hair, his hand shaking from trying not to pull too hard. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop— _ah_ —” Mike’s next thought was lost to the ether as orgasm seized him. 

Joel remained in place for a few moments until he was satisfied that Mike was spent, then pulled back and crawled over to Mike’s side before wrapping an arm around him. Mike collapsed into Joel, heaving staggered breaths and staring absentmindedly into space as he came down.

Once he regained his composure, Mike pushed himself into a seated position and mimicked Joel’s earlier motions, gently rolling the other man onto his back as he crawled on top of him, trailing feather-soft kisses down Joel’s neck as he shifted his weight down.

“Look, I wasn’t expecting…” Joel began. “You don’t have to—”

Mike paused and raised his head, looking Joel straight in the eyes. “I want to.” He parted his lips and licked the rest of the way down to the nape of Joel’s neck, stopping to nibble the skin before assaulting the sweet spot behind the earlobe with his tongue, delighting in the tremors and whimpers beneath him.

Their eyes met again briefly as Mike kissed his way down Joel’s chest, pausing to place his hands back on Joel’s shoulders and coax him back down. _Let yourself go,_ the gleam in Mike’s eyes seemed to insist. _Lose yourself._ Joel’s eyes fluttered shut as Mike rubbed a thumb against a nipple, and he moaned softly when he felt Mike’s tongue dart over the other.

Mike was teasing now, slowing his pace as he kissed and nipped his way down more forcefully, thoroughly enjoying the writhing and panting elicited by his indulgences. Joel lifted his head again, eyes pleading, begging Mike to continue as he watched the other man’s face and tongue slide between his legs.

Mike smiled as he wrapped his hand around Joel’s cock, stroking slowly and firmly, as Joel rocked his hips forward with an impassioned grunt, flailing in the tempest of sensations threatening to overpower him. Taking the same deliberate approach as Joel had, Mike moved his hand down to the base before stroking the flesh with his tongue, causing Joel to cry out as he threw his head back against the pillow.

Although Mike moved his head slowly, his tongue was like quicksilver, swirling around the head as Mike gradually took Joel halfway into his mouth. Even when the rest of Mike was still, his tongue stroked paths up and down the flesh, weaving interchanging paths in tandem with the shivers and muddled half-syllables below, retracing trails over any particularly sensitive spots.

Joel placed a hand on Mike’s shoulder, needing to hold on to something to keep from slamming his hips forward. He was dangerously close now, encouraged by the mouth and tongue working his shaft to let himself stop thinking and _feel_ for a change.

Then, he came undone, tensing up, crying out, metamorphosing into molten steel as he melted, beveled, and forged again, all within those fleeting moments that scorched his very being.

Mike stayed down until the spasms subsided, then pushed himself onto his side and pulled Joel close, stroking the other man’s hair as he gradually returned to Earth. 

“God, Mike…” Joel croaked, struggling to catch his breath. 

“I guess it was as good for you as it was me?” Mike asked; the smile and glimmer in his eyes reflecting pure rapture.

“I think I’m gonna pass out now.” Well, that was one way to get to sleep.

Mike nodded and wrapped one leg around both of Joel’s. “I hope Gypsy didn’t hear us.”

“Eh, if she did, we’ll deal with that tomorrow.”

They closed their eyes, almost drifting off to sleep, but were thwarted by the space heater turning off and the sudden realization that _holy shit was it cold_ without any clothes on. They immediately released one another and sprang out of bed, searching frantically for their clothes and getting dressed as quickly as possible before burying themselves back under the sheets and shivering a bit before finally falling asleep.


	12. Christmas

The holidays were always a hectic time of the year, but the possession of a house and the presence of two families made things crazier.

Mike and Eddie had spoken over the phone several times since May, but this was the first time they had seen each other in person since before Mike ended up on the SOL. Eddie always made it a point to head to Minnesota for Christmas, since he was never sure when it would be his mom’s last one. Once Eddie got off the plane, he was immediately reminded of one of the many reasons he left Minneapolis for Phoenix when he ended up being horribly underdressed for a Midwestern winter. Mike probably wasn’t letting him live that one down anytime soon. Other than the occasional visit, Eddie had no plans to move back home. His construction job, Southwestern weather, and a Southwestern woman kept him firmly planted in Arizona. 

When he, Eddie, and Mike got to Minnesota to see Mike and Eddie’s parents, Joel understood Eddie’s fears and why Mike had been so distressed by his mom’s condition. She was awake and conscious, but not really alive. Her eyes and face displayed no emotions or thoughts, and there were no traces left of the woman displayed in the photos placed in her room. With the exception of when the nurses needed to give her medicine, time no longer moved for her, and every day blurred into the next. Joel was hesitant to say anything, but he could tell that she didn’t have much time left. 

Other than needing a wheelchair, Mike and Eddie’s dad fared far better. Joel was relieved at not being interrogated, and didn’t mind filling in the gaps that Mike either didn’t realize existed or hadn’t told his dad about. However, Mike’s dad knew an awful lot about Joel already. Much to Joel’s surprise, Mike had apparently spent an inordinate amount of time telling his dad about him. Mike later said that he couldn’t remember when it was, but sometime between their initial reunion and this visit, his dad had stopped asking him if he had a girlfriend or was seeing anyone. 

If Mike’s dad had suspected anything was going on, he was polite enough not to say anything. Eddie, on the other hand, was far blunter when he pulled Joel aside before they went home.

“What’s going on between you two?” he asked.

“Excuse me?” Joel replied, bewildered.

“I’m totally cool with it. Nothing wrong with that sort of thing. I just never thought Mike would settle down. So, what are you? Partners? Boyfriends? What do you call yourselves?”

Joel stared down at the floor, thunderstruck. He and Mike were definitely more than friends, but he had actually never given much thought to the situation. “Nothing, really.” Sure, he called Mike “honey” sometimes, but he also called the ‘bots “honey” as well. But now that Eddie brought it up, he was forced to acknowledge to himself that he used a different tone with Mike than with the ‘bots.

Eddie shrugged. “You’ll come up with something eventually.”

“Uh…” Joel stammered. “How did you know?” He and Mike weren’t touchy-feely by any stretch of the imagination, but was it really _that_ obvious?

“Mike’s known me way longer than he has you. But when he almost lost it after seeing Mom, he went to lean on you, not me.”

Joel felt a jolt run through his body as he contemplated the meaning of Eddie’s observation. Did Mike really think of him that highly, and if so, _why?_ Sure, he would like nothing more, but did he really deserve it? Him, of all people? Of all the things Joel considered himself, a pillar of strength was not one of them. 

Eddie shook Joel out of his reverie when he patted him on the back. “Take care of him.” 

“I will.” He meant it. If he ever did Mike any wrong, he would never be able to live with himself.  
***  
When Joel’s mom initially heard that he and Mike bought a house, she decided right then and there that they should host Christmas that year. That had sent Joel scrambling for the nearest alcoholic beverage in the house once he hung up the phone. Thankfully, it wasn’t the entire extended Robinson family—just her, Jim, Laura, and their boys. 

It was unclear who was more hyperactive: Tom and Crow, or Craig and Bryan. Mike suggested throwing them in a pit and seeing who lasted the longest. As amusing as that would have been, Laura wouldn’t approve (though Jim would secretly love the idea). The nephews’ presence was welcome, though, as Tom and Crow finally had other troublemakers to play with, meaning they were out of Joel and Mike’s hair for a change. 

Gypsy was used to cooking, since she had been in charge of all of the holiday dinners when Joel was aboard the SOL. She helped Joel and his mom in the kitchen, and seemed to hit it off with Joel’s mom very well. Cambot, meanwhile, seemed unsure of how to handle the holiday commotion, and stayed close to Mike the entire time. 

Unfortunately, after all of the presents were opened, Joel’s mom started on him: was he seeing anyone? Was Mike seeing anyone? Had they been seeing anyone previously? Jim and Laura simply stared at her in disbelief. 

Laura then saw an opportunity to butt in. “You know, it’s past the boys’ bedtime. We should really be getting home.” Immediately after she said that, Captain America’s shield whizzed over her head.

Jim stared at the shield on the floor as Bryan ran into the room to retrieve it. “Whoever bought that for him, I hate you already.” 

“See, they’re too hyper,” Laura told Jim as she tilted her head quickly towards the door in a poorly concealed hidden gesture. “If we don’t get them back to the room and in bed soon, they’ll be up for several more hours.”

“Right, now that you mention it…” Jim got the hint and got off the couch to go retrieve his sons. “Come on, boys. We’re leaving.” Laura also got up and left the room for a few moments before coming back with the coats she and Joel’s mom had worn. “Here’s your coat. We’re heading out.”

“Wait,” Joel’s mom protested. “They never answered my—”

Laura grabbed the older woman’s arm and began dragging her to the front door. “Good night.”

Joel owed his sister-in-law a bottle of good wine. As abrasive as she could be at times, she was a godsend at this point. “Good night. Give us a call sometime.”

Jim, who was tugging two reluctant boys with both hands, soon followed his wife towards the front door.

“When can we play with Tom and Crow again?” Bryan asked him.

“I don’t know. We’ll come for a visit sometime.” Jim turned his head towards Joel. “We’ll call you later.” With that, they were gone.

Or at least, it initially appeared that way. Joel headed to the kitchen to begin cleaning up, and saw Jim and Mike talking about something in the hallway. He figured it was none of his business and started working on the mountain of dirty dishes in the sink. 

A few minutes later, Mike staked out a spot at the counter where Joel had been stacking dishes and began drying some of them off.

“What was that all about?” Joel inquired.

“For one, he was apologizing about your mom. She really is dense.”

“For one?” Joel repeated.

Mike looked down and grimaced. “Well, he did also say that if I ever hurt you, he’s coming over the state line and ripping my balls off.”

Joel winced. “Well, at least Eddie didn’t go into _that_ sort of detail. But now that I think about it…” Joel turned off the water and turned to face Mike. “He did want to know if we called ourselves partners or something. Which makes me wonder…what exactly are we? It’s not something I really think about.”

“Hmm. I never really thought about it either. I usually just refer to you by name.”

“Well, sure, I call you ‘honey’ sometimes, but…”

“You’re overthinking things again. I think it’s the same as everything else that’s been going on.” Mike threw a handful of dish towels down on the counter. “If something happens between us, it happens. And that’s fine. Stop trying to analyze everything and just _be._ ” 

“But—“

“Don’t worry about everything so much.” Mike picked up the clean dishes and began putting them away.

_Stop overanalyzing everything. Don’t worry so much. Let yourself go. Let yourself feel._ Anytime Mike had any advice or encouragement, those phrases always seemed to be the overarching themes regardless of what was on Joel’s mind at the time. Mike was probably right about him being wound too tightly. So why was it so hard to relax and shut off his mind for once?

**CRASH!**

“OWWWW!”

Further contemplation of that question would have to wait for another time. When Joel rushed into the living room to check on the ‘bots, he found a toppled Christmas tree, some broken ornaments, and Tom half-buried under the tree.


	13. Epiphany

Maybe Joel had been rubbing off on Mike a little too much. There were several days in January where he ended up having to stay home from work since the temp company wouldn’t send anyone out in a blizzard. They were doing all right financially, but not being able to work bothered Mike. When Joel asked him why, he said that it made him feel like a deadbeat. That may have been the case, but Joel secretly suspected that work also gave him a break from the ‘bots for a bit, and that was what he had been missing. 

When everyone was stuck under the same roof, this led to a lot of family time, quality or otherwise. They managed to get further along in their Dungeons and Dragons campaign, even after the death of Gypsy’s cleric, which there had been plenty of crying and caterwauling over. Also, the ‘bots somehow managed to become more destructive than usual, so both he and Mike had his hands full fixing any broken items or broken ‘bots that resulted, as well as breaking up the fights that began once Gypsy needed quiet to edit ConGypsCo’s annual report when she couldn’t get to the office. “Quiet” was a term that was completely foreign to Tom and Crow. On the rare occasion when they actually _were_ quiet, that meant it was time to go check on them since they were doing something stupid.

When all of that was said and done, being cooped up also meant spending more time alone with Mike as well, engaged in activities such as long conversations, watching movies, taking care of the house, and…other pursuits.

Joel wasn’t exactly sure when it happened, but there came a point where the idea of penetration no longer terrified him, but was instead intriguing. Oddly enough, Mike had been pondering it himself, and was the one who brought up the idea. That was all well and good, but then came deciding who was on top the first time, which was not so simple. They danced around the subject until finally deciding to roll a 20-sided die, with the understanding that whoever lost the roll would get to top the next time.   
Joel had lost that roll, but they had never followed through on their plans. Something would always happen: Mike would have to work late, the ‘bots wouldn’t leave them alone, they were too tired, they didn’t feel like it, the ‘bots were destroying things again, Gypsy needed someone to look at her latest annual report draft, or they flat out forgot. The bottle of lube in the nightstand drawer remained unopened.

Also, soon after that conversation, Mike suddenly reverted to the pensive state he had been in soon after returning to Earth. He began staring out of windows and off into space again; and often drifted off in the middle of meals or conversations. Sometimes, it was necessary to attempt to capture his attention at least three times before he realized he was being addressed. 

By now Joel and Mike were close enough that if something were troubling Mike, he’d be able to talk to Joel about it. Or, at least, it had seemed that way, but now Joel wasn’t so sure. There had to be a reason for the sudden change, and it likely wasn’t a good one, since this was nothing like the Mike he knew. 

Hopefully, it would pass, and things would return to normal. It was probably best not to ask.   
***  
The weather in January had been horrendous, but February was even worse. Joel couldn’t even see anything out the window through the driving snow outside. Mike was supposed to have been home from his latest temp job three hours ago.

Crow noticed that Joel was distracted and tried to cheer him up. “I’m sure Mike’s not dead or anything or he would have called.” He and Tom were still heavily damaged from climbing onto the roof and going sledding on a piece of plywood while Joel had been in the shower. 

“I…guess?” Joel said with a shrug before rummaging through his toolbox for the Phillips screwdriver as the phone began ringing. All of the damage would take forever to repair. Between that, anxiety over Mike, having shoveled the driveway seven times already, and the power intermittently failing throughout the day, Joel wasn’t sure how the day could get any worse.

“Joel?” Gypsy called from the kitchen. “Your mom’s on the phone.”

It could _always_ get worse. Joel sighed in aggravation as he headed to the kitchen to retrieve the phone.

“Mom, can you call back later?” Joel asked as he tried to keep the frustration out of his voice. “Now’s not a good time. Mike was supposed to be home three hours ago and I don’t know if he’ll call.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask, what do you want for your birthday?”

“You called now just to ask me _that?!_ ” Joel’s tone was a cross between annoyance and incredulity. 

“Who do you think you’re talking to?!” the voice on the other end of the phone snapped.

“Sorry…” Joel sighed in resignation. “I’m just worried about Mike.”

“You worry over him like a husband.”

“I guess. Anyway, I need to get back to—”

“Have you been seeing anyone lately?”

“I’m not interested,” Joel snapped as the final scraps of his patience tore to shreds.

“I’d feel a lot better if you had someone who could take care of you like you do Mike.”

“I don’t want anyone else but Mike!” Joel shrieked angrily before suddenly shuddering in utter astonishment at the implications of what he had just blurted out. 

Joel’s mom noticed his sudden staggered breathing. “Are you all right?”

“Um…” 

“Are you having another anxiety attack?”

At least this gave him an easy way to get off the phone. “I think so. I’ll call you back.” With that, he immediately hung up and rushed back to the other room to resume repairs on Tom and Crow. As he fiddled with the Phillips screwdriver, he mulled over what his previous words.

_I don’t want anyone else but Mike._

Not that he had been particularly interested in dating even before heading back to the SOL, but once he had returned from his initial meeting with Mike, all thoughts of women had evaporated from his mind. It wasn’t apparent then, but after that point, that was exactly what he had been working towards. Sure, he wanted to rescue his creations, but most of all; he wanted to have Mike nearby.

Moments spent with Mike were the happiest, and the desire to keep him close only strengthened since the rescue almost a year ago. 

All those nights of longing and loneliness, the effort to expand the spaceship that damn near slaughtered his health, his sanity, and his finances; the memories, the pining, the fantasies. The deluge of emotions during their reunion, the stirring within when they kissed, and the transcendent sensations that went beyond the sensory pleasures of fooling around. 

The screwdriver tumbled out of Joel’s hand and onto the floor. It all made sense now.

_I’m in love with him._

“Uh…Joel?” Tom noticed that Joel’s eyes had glazed over, and stared at him in confusion.

How could he have not realized it? No wonder he had pushed himself so hard: he had been in love with Mike the entire time. Now he knew exactly what it was that he had felt upon his first glimpse of the man on the other side of the screen in Gizmonics Institute. He had fallen in love right then and there.

“Joel!” Crow waved a hand back and forth in front of Joel’s face. “Helloooooo?”

But what about Mike? How did he feel? Maybe there was hope. After all, he had made the first move on the SOL on that night almost two years ago. Mike could have moved out at any time, but he chose to stay, and even cosigned on the mortgage, so it was highly unlikely he was going anywhere. Even so…

Joel snapped out of his daze when he heard the garage door open. He rushed to the door leading to the garage and threw it open, leaving a very confused Tom and Crow behind him.

Mike slowly pushed himself out of the snow-covered car and closed the garage door. Even through all of the layers of winter clothing he was wearing, he looked like he had been run over by a train.

“Oh, thank God.” Joel’s voice was almost a whisper. “I was really worried.”

“Sorry I didn’t call. I was stuck in the car the whole time. It took over three hours to drive 45 minutes, and I still managed to take out the Andersons’ mailbox and the passenger side taillight.” 

“Look, I can fix the taillight. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, but I need to fess up to the Andersons sooner or later.”

“Later. You almost wrecked the car. I don’t need you wrecking yourself.”

Mike chuckled softly. “That sounds like something I’d have to say to you.” He stomped the snow off of his boots before pulling them off near the door.

“Um, listen…” Joel was ready to throw his arms around Mike and cling to him at this point, but the poor guy had been in a car for over three hours and likely needed some space. “Can I talk to you later?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Mike stepped into the house and began unraveling the layers of winter clothes that effectively mummified him. “I’ve been meaning to do that anyway.” 

Mike wanted to talk about something. Joel’s first instinct was to assume the worst: _He’s moving out. He’s found someone else._

No. He couldn’t let that voice in the back of his head get the best of him. Especially not now.

Trying to maintain some semblance of self-assuredness, Joel grabbed the Phillips screwdriver from where it had fallen on the floor and went back to patching up Tom and Crow.


	14. Confession

Timing was not exactly Mike’s strong suit. He didn’t bring up the subject again until he was getting ready for bed and Joel was in the middle of a book. “You wanted to talk to me?”

Joel put the book down on the nightstand. “Yeah. Listen, I…” He suddenly realized that thinking about what he was going to say beforehand would have been a really good idea. After a brief pause, he just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “Do you remember that night on the SOL?”

Mike smiled and sat down next to Joel on the bed. “How could I forget?”

“That…was one of the happiest nights of my life.”

“Mine, too,” Mike replied with a nod.

“So when I had to leave…it really hurt. I felt like I was letting you and the ‘bots down. Of course I worried about them while I was still here on Earth, but most of all, I worried about you. I missed you terribly. Even now, I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”

Mike slid over to his nightstand and reached into one of the drawers. “This is going to sound really stupid, but, do you remember that note you left in my pillow?”

Joel nodded. “Yeah, what about it?”

Mike pulled his hand out of the drawer and opened his palm to reveal the note. “I held onto it. It was my only connection to you. I read it every day to try to stay strong. It was really, really hard; I’ll admit that. Even though you came to bring us all back to Earth, I still have it, because that and the memories are what kept me going.” Mike placed the note back in the drawer and pushed it closed.

“You...kept it?” Joel inhaled sharply, feeling his heart leap. “That’s not stupid at all. I’m…really touched.”

“I’m glad.” Mike returned to his spot on the bed.

“Anyway, like you, the memories kept me going. Of course I wanted to rescue the ‘bots, but most of all, I wanted to rescue you. Being without you all that time was one of the hardest experiences of my life.”

Mike silently nodded in understanding.

“I thought of you. I dreamed of you. I wanted to be with you. When I finally did rescue you, and as I’ve spent more and more time with you, all my feelings inside just got stronger. I don’t want to live without you.” He looked Mike right in the eyes, and suddenly, it didn’t seem so hard to say. “I love you, Mike.” 

“Joel…” Mike remained frozen in place for a bit, unsure how to respond as the emotions crossed his face. “I…Are you sure you want me? I mean, _me?_ ”

Joel nodded solemnly. “I’ve never been more certain of anything.”

Mike glanced down and took a deep breath. “Wow. I…” He paused for a moment. “I need time to think.”

“What?” A spark of panic blasted through Joel, and the specter of doubt came back to taunt him once more. _What were you thinking? He’s way out of your league._

“How do I put this…?” Mike bit his lip and gazed up towards the ceiling. “You deserve a proper answer. Can we talk about this tomorrow night? I need time to put it into words.”

“All right.” It was only fair. If Mike was actually taking time to think about it, he was really serious about the matter. That made Joel feel a lot better, but anxious as to what the answer would be.

“Thank you.” He gave Joel a quick kiss before heading to the bathroom.

Joel already wasn’t tired, but how the hell was he supposed to sleep after _that?_ He left the bedroom and went down to his basement workshop. Maybe being productive would calm him down enough to sleep.

Still, the next night could not come quickly enough.

***

The following day dragged by abysmally slowly and painfully.

There was plenty that Joel needed to do, like call his mom back and walk over to the Andersons’ house to offer to pay for the mailbox. Once he accomplished those things, however, there was still far too much time left in the day before Mike would have his answer.

Joel tried to come up with ways to fill the time, like watching a TV movie with the ‘bots that they all inevitably ended up riffing, or tinkering with an invention that wasn’t coming along as well as he had hoped it would. No matter what he tried, however, his heart wasn’t in any of it.

On the other hand, the closets were now clean, all of the cans in the pantry were now arranged in alphabetical order, the laundry was clean and ironed, the current paperwork for the hot fish shop was finished, his tools had undergone thorough maintenance, and the house was now spotless. 

After what seemed like an eternity, Mike finally came back home from work. At least this meant he could go out and buy a new taillight now that Mike had the car back in the garage. Once Joel returned from the auto parts shop, he went inside to fetch his toolbox and found the ‘bots around the TV riffing Troy. 

“Where’s Mike?” he inquired, but received no response. The ‘bots were too busy tearing the movie to shreds to notice him.

The most logical place for Mike to be alone was the bedroom, so Joel decided to check there. Hopefully Mike had his answer by now.


	15. Transcendence

Sure enough, Joel found Mike lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Clearly he had been there for some time, as the space heater was running.

“There you are.” Mike turned his head towards the door. “I figured you’d show up eventually.”

“You’re not watching the movie with them?” Joel asked as he closed the door behind him.

Mike shook his head. “I was for a little while, but I found something on TV that was really long on purpose to distract them. I don’t want any interruptions now.” He pushed himself up and scooted over to sit on the side of the bed.

“Yeah?” Joel sat down on the bed next to Mike. Apparently he did have his answer after all.

“First of all, I owe you and the ‘bots an apology. I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the past few weeks. I just keep doing it at inappropriate times and zoning out.” 

“Thinking about…what?” It was an incredibly stupid question, but suddenly Joel needed reassurance.

“You know, it took me three weeks before I found that note you left me on the SOL. Prior to that, I figured I’d never see you again. Or, you’d rescue the ‘bots, but not me. I figured I wasn’t good enough for you.”

Joel shook his head. “Don’t say that.” 

“When I did find it, it made me really happy. I can’t really describe it.” Mike looked down at his hands in his lap, then back up at Joel. “I’d read that every day, and imagine what it would be like to see you again. I wanted to talk to you so badly, even for just a few minutes…And when I didn’t know what was going on, and if or when you’d come, it felt like I was being torn apart…”

Joel grabbed one of Mike’s hands and squeezed it tightly. “I was so worried about you. I was afraid you or the ‘bots might have gone insane, or something really bad happened to you…”

“We always did seem to overlap, having been in captivity and all…And then I’d just keep remembering that night, and wanting to be together like that again, so it made me really think about how I felt about you. Back then, I was so vulnerable, and I was afraid I was just leaning on you for that reason, that I didn’t really like you.”

Mike stared at the floor for a few moments, taking a deep breath before squeezing Joel’s hand and letting it go. “But it’s different now. I’ve been thinking about everything. I can stand on my own two feet now, and I realize that I really do need you. It’s not because I need a job or a place to live; or because I’m lonely or want to be close to the ‘bots, though I do.” Mike swallowed the lump forming in his throat before looking Joel straight in the eyes. “I need you because I honestly love you.”

“Mike…” The warm, dreamlike sensation coursed through Joel’s veins again, but at least this time, he knew exactly what it was. He had never wanted anything more, and to suddenly hear that his feelings were not only accepted, but reciprocated…

“I was also thinking about what you said to me yesterday. Even right after I started working at the shop, I wanted to stay with you, even when I had enough money for my own place. I don’t want to be away from you. I need you more than anything.”

“I need you, too.” Joel took a deep breath. “You were my biggest motivation to get the spaceship finished. That’s why I think, as long as I have you, I’ll be able to do anything…”

“Joel…” Mike leaned over and threw his arms around the other man before cradling his head on Joel’s shoulder. Joel embraced Mike, holding him tightly. They remained like that for some time, basking in one another’s grasp before aligning themselves so their lips gently met.

They exchanged several kisses as they pressed and held each other close, gently running their hands up and down one another before beginning to undo clothing as they remained entwined; having long since crossed the threshold when verbal communication was no longer needed. 

Once they were both partially undressed, Mike immediately pulled away and rushed over to the doorway. Confused, Joel stared blankly as Mike locked the bedroom door.

“We don’t need an audience,” Mike explained before he came back over to the bed and once again held Joel tightly, kissing him deeply as he gently guided Joel onto his back before pressing his weight down on top of him.

Between kisses, they made short work of the remainder of their clothing, allowing their hands to wander for a few moments until Mike took the initiative, lowering his head to nibble on the other man’s earlobe and slide his tongue behind it, indulging in the sharp intake of breath and sudden spasm beneath him. 

Mike then moved back to gently kiss Joel before moving down, leaving gentle kisses in his wake as he made his way down, pausing momentarily at the sternum before descending further. Gently, Mike’s hands grazed Joel’s chest as he stroked the other man’s shaft with his tongue. His cobalt eyes watched lovingly and intently as he abandoned the area and moved down Joel’s right thigh, caressing the skin with his lips and tongue. Joel sat up slightly and watched Mike fervently as he tenderly ran his hands up and down Mike’s arms and shoulders. Mike was sending him into a headspace he never thought existed; one where the threads of rapture, tenderness, love, and desire interlaced into consummate perfection.

Arching up in a cat-like motion, Mike pushed his way back up to Joel’s sternum, planting quick kisses that made Joel shiver before moving up and once again pressing their mouths together. When Mike felt Joel move up against him, he allowed his weight to shift so they both rolled to one side. As their kisses became increasingly passionate as well as romantic, Joel slid his hand in a partial figure-eight around the small of Mike’s back and down the side of his thigh before grasping the other man’s length and stroking; tenderly at first, then more firmly, yet keeping a slow, constant pace as Mike gasped beside him.

After some time, Mike gently pushed away Joel’s hand before putting his hands on Joel’s shoulders and pulling him away from the bed. Joel got the hint and turned around so his back was facing Mike. Mike wrapped his arms around Joel and pulled him close, covering the nape of Joel’s neck with nips and kisses as he slid his hand down between Joel’s legs, stroking him as he continued his ministrations. Mike occasionally moved his mouth to Joel’s shoulder before returning to his neck, with Joel writhing and moaning against him by this point. 

“Mike, _please—_ ” Joel begged through clenched teeth, his voice breaking. 

Smiling, Mike chuckled softly before nibbling at Joel’s earlobe, delighting in the other man’s quivers and gasps before pulling back and propping himself up on one elbow, letting Joel slide down onto his back. After deciding to make Joel wait just a little longer, Mike crawled back on top and kissed his way back down Joel’s chest, occasionally peeking up to observe Joel, who by now had his eyes closed and lips parted with desire. 

Finally, Mike thrust his tongue against the base of Joel’s cock and leisurely ascended to the tip, disregarding the sputtered half-syllables beneath him before parting his lips and taking the length into his mouth.

Although the first time Mike did this had been thrilling, now it was downright phenomenal. By now, he’d had some practice, and with the initial hesitance gone, he was more willing to go down further and vary the speed of his movements. While Mike still didn’t want to go all the way down, Joel had absolutely no complaints, especially not with that quicksilver tongue dancing sublimely in varied patterns in tandem with the movements of the warm, wet mouth encasing his shaft.

After noticing the first few drops of precome, Mike pulled back and sat back on his legs, looking earnestly at Joel as he craned his hand and wiped his mouth with his wrist.

“I was wondering…” Mike’s tone grew more serious. “Would it be okay if I used the lube?”

A jolt shuddered through Joel’s body as he briefly pondered the question, nerves flickering in presentiment and anticipation at the same time. “All right.”

“You sure?”

Joel nodded resolutely, banishing the residual anxiety from his mind. “Positive.”

Mike produced the bottle of lube from the nightstand drawer. “Let me know if I’m hurting you, all right?”

Joel nodded and spread his legs as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to quash the sudden rush of nerves by focusing on the white paint above. Mike was taking his time, coaxing Joel’s muscles to relax by gently massaging the opening with a lubed finger. Once Mike felt satisfied that Joel was ready, he slowly began pushing in, pausing to gauge Joel’s reaction, then sliding in the second knuckle before stopping again.

The intrusion was bizarre, but not painful. Joel looked down at Mike who was eyeing him questioningly. “It’s okay. Keep going.” 

Mike pushed his finger all the way in, pausing once more to allow Joel to get accustomed to the feeling before wiggling it slightly, opening him up a little more. Joel switched his gaze between Mike and the ceiling, taking a few deep breaths as Mike withdrew the finger before gradually adding a second up to the first knuckle. Once Joel shifted his legs and hips a little to get more comfortable, Mike pressed on, moving both fingers a little more quickly now as he felt Joel relaxing around him.

The ease of the penetration and his sudden adjustment astonished Joel, who now fixed his gaze on Mike as the fingers moved in and out, sometimes opening ever so slightly as they moved back and forth. Although it was minuscule, a sudden arch of Mike’s fingers sent an intense current through Joel’s entire body, causing him to cry out as any remaining hidden apprehension gave way to pleasure. 

Mike cocked his head in surprise. “I’ll take that as you’re ready.” Joel couldn’t help but laugh a little in response. 

Mike removed his fingers and then prepared himself with the lube, his expression a mix of concentration and nervousness. Once he decided that he was adequately prepared, he placed the bottle on the nightstand and clumsily wiped his hand on his thigh. Mike then got on his knees and pushed himself closer to Joel, eyeing him attentively as he tried to determine a good angle. 

Noticing Mike’s predicament, Joel shifted his hips a few times, trying to find the balance between personal comfort and ease for Mike. Eventually, Mike stopped him by placing a hand on the junction between his waist and hip; keeping it there while using the other hand to begin guiding himself in.

Mike then placed the second hand on Joel’s other hip. “Push up a little?” When Joel complied, he pushed himself in a little more, pausing to wait for Joel’s body to adjust.

Joel craned his neck up slightly, grimacing in discomfort. “I can’t hold this forever.”

“I know, sorry. Just…hang on…” Mike must have felt something release, since he then slid the rest of the way in before removing his hands from Joel’s hips. “There we go.”

Joel returned his lower back and hips to the bed, watching Mike, who was then trying to determine a good location for his hands, moving them around as he allowed his weight to press down. Eventually, Mike settled for resting on his left forearm, placing it near Joel’s right shoulder, and placing his right hand midway down next to Joel’s arm for balance.

They stared at one another for a few moments in tender anticipation, unsure how to proceed. Finally, Mike broke the silence. “How is it?”

“Like there’s something crammed up there,” Joel replied matter-of-factly.

Mike closed his eyes as he cracked up. “Well, yeah…but…” He looked intently at Joel. “It doesn’t hurt or anything, does it?”

“No. I’m all right.” Joel was starting to feel a little emotional now as he contemplated the position he was now in and gazed into Mike’s eyes, which seemed to sparkle with a previously unseen light. As Mike watched him intently, Joel immediately deciphered the message that Mike’s eyes and facial expression were attempting to convey: _I love you. Let me show you how much._

“Okay,” Mike rasped. The sudden hitch in his breathing indicated that Mike was getting overwhelmed by his own feelings. “Good.” 

Instinctively, Joel placed his hands in the middle of Mike’s back as Mike began moving gently; gaze transfixed on the other man as their breathing quickened. Their hands began wandering as Mike moved faster now, caressing one another between the occasional kiss, trying to possess as much of one another as possible, attempting to somehow get even closer.

No wonder it was different with Mike. It had always been different, other than for the obvious physiological reasons. But until this moment, Joel had never achieved this level of intimacy or affection with another person, nor had he wanted to. Everything blended together now: the stuttered groans, the meaningful stares, the caresses, the movement, and the kisses. 

They had entered a realm where few had ventured, and many sought, often unsuccessfully, but the gates had opened to them. It was an idyllic rapture, one where the physicality intensified as they ascended ever close to release; yet they remained entranced in devotion, losing themselves in their emotions as they became immersed in one another.

It was clear now. No wonder it was different.

_They were making love._

It was all so exhilarating, the heat building up inside, stoked by watching Mike as he edged ever closer himself. Joel transfixed his gaze on Mike, stroking in tandem with Mike’s movements as he placed his free hand on Mike’s chest, needing to hold onto something, _anything,_ as he descended into the abyss. 

The transformation was now complete as the final vestiges of long-suppressed emotions and the remaining subconscious bridles that fettered them scorched away, crumbling into ash; revealing Joel’s true self as the phoenix spread its blazing wings; red-gold plumage gleaming dazzlingly in those incredible moments of transcendence, the conflagration consuming them both.

Mike threw his weight on top of Joel and clutched the other man’s shoulders as he buried his face between Joel’s neck and right shoulder, whimpering something incomprehensible before he abruptly stiffened, coming with a muted groan.

Unable to move, Mike slumped over Joel, heaving raggedly as he allowed his head to collapse into the crook of Joel’s neck. Below him, Joel vacillated between consciousness and oblivion; his breathing slowing as his eyes gradually regained their focus. 

Once Joel recouped his bearings, suddenly he could feel _everything._ “Um…get off me, please?”

“Sorry,” Mike croaked, clumsily pawing at himself to slowly pull out, then at the bed until he was able to push himself off of Joel and roll to one side. A few moments later, Mike shimmied back over and pulled the other man close, pressing against him for warmth as well as affection.

Even so, the space heater was no match for the room’s temperature. Mike released Joel and pushed himself into a seated position. “Dear God, it’s cold in here.”

Joel lifted his head. “That, and I really need a shower.”

Mike slid over to the edge of the bed. “Eh, it’s just as well. How about it?”

With a half-shrug, Joel pushed himself up and followed Mike into the bathroom.  
***  
Joel learned two things that night.

First, the shower in the master bathroom could only comfortably hold one adult male and possibly six acrobats. Secondly, the ‘bots were master multitaskers and could trash the living room as well as eat everything in the pantry while focusing on a movie at the same time.

The master bathroom probably needed some work anyway. Maybe a bigger shower was a future possibility. If anything, whatever they installed had to be tile-free. The grout in their current shower somehow managed to resist all cleaning products, and there was the one day when Mike had to talk Joel out of bringing the pressure washer inside. It was getting to the point where Joel was seriously considering waiting until Mike was gone and doing it anyway. 

After filtering through various home improvement ideas, Joel’s mind inevitably wandered to what had taken place earlier. Come to think of it, they had never discussed their relationship with the ‘bots since Gypsy strong-armed them into going on a date. 

Well, obviously they didn’t need to know about any of _that._ But what did the ‘bots really think of the whole situation? They’d left them with a babysitter more than once to go out by themselves, so it wasn’t like they were in the dark. Gypsy, of course, probably knew much more than she was letting on, and it was likely that Cambot did as well. If they did, they were polite enough not to say anything. 

This was different, though. He and Mike were serious. Maybe one or both of them should pull them aside for a talk and answer any questions…

…Or maybe, just maybe, things were perfectly fine the way they were. Then again, that would be what Mike would say. Stop thinking so much and just be.

Joel resolved not to consider the idea again. Mike was most likely right.


	16. New Beginnings

Soon after that night, Joel and Mike agreed they’d better tell their family members what was going on between them.

Joel was surprised that telling his mom was easier than he thought. Even so, she was still unable to speak for the next ten minutes, even after retrieving the phone from the floor. If anything, it would put her constant relationship badgering to rest. 

Later on during the conversation, Joel’s mom asked him if he was happy, and he had said yes. Thinking back on it later, Joel finally realized: For the first time in his entire life, he could truly say that he was happy. He had Mike, the ‘bots, the shop, and a house. Years ago, even before being imprisoned in outer space, he had never thought he would have the life he did now, and had resigned himself to living in crappy apartments and working crummy jobs. Naturally, that had happened on the way to his current situation, but never had he thought he would find the light at the end of the tunnel, let alone someone who loved and accepted him for who he was. 

Unsurprisingly, Laura had been far blunter when Joel called her and Jim. The first words out of her mouth were “Took you long enough.” Jim was fairly chill about the whole thing, but also admitted to Joel that he had no idea what was going on until Laura pulled him aside around Halloween and explained it to him. Perhaps cluelessness was a Robinson family trait.

After all, when Eddie had been up around Christmas, he caught on right away. Mike’s dad eventually did too. And from what Mike had told him that night, he had been contemplating his feelings for quite some time.

Everybody had figured it out except for Joel.

At least now he knew why he hadn’t understood his own feelings. All those years, he had survived by killing his emotions. 

But now that Mike had been so warm and tender with his heart, he wondered why he ever thought of shutting it down in the first place.  
***  
The remainder of the winter was nowhere near as bad as it had been during the previous year, so by the end of March, there were only a few massive snow dunes from the snowplows scattered about. The temperature still hovered somewhere between “slightly nippy” and “even polar bears are vacationing in Miami,” but it was sunny, and at least it was bearable to stand outside for more than five minutes at a time. This made it much easier to go outside and do necessary work on the hot fish shop before it opened for the season.

The inventory was ready, and all of the interior maintenance had been finished. For the time being, at least, the hush puppy fryer was behaving itself. All of the ‘bots except for Gypsy had come along today as well. Gypsy was with her board crunching the final numbers for ConGypsCo’s Q1 earnings report. Even when that was finished, the Q2 predictions would still take at least one more week before they were finished. Joel knew he wasn’t one to talk, but he told her not to work too hard. She replied that she was fine, and then he lost her once she discovered that the Richard Basehart episode of “The Love Boat” was on MeTV. It seemed she would be fine after all.

Cambot’s lens had come in extremely handy once Joel discovered that some of the wiring behind the paneling in the main kitchen needed to be replaced. Tom and Crow, on the other hand, provided the most assistance when they went to the 7-11 for hot dogs and Slurpees. At least now they were playing in the nearby field within viewing distance and not causing any trouble. The outside of the shop needed a new coat of paint, which Mike was out back mixing. The paint job would have been finished sooner, but Joel had needed to hose down the shop with the pressure washer, right after explaining to Tom and Crow why we do not feed Alka-Seltzer to pigeons. 

Joel was outside of the front of the shop with his own paint can in the process of repainting the benches when a tall brunette woman in slacks and a gray overcoat approached. She stared at the shop for a few moments, and then turned her attention to Joel. “Are you guys open yet?”

“No, we open on Sunday,” Joel replied. “Just getting things ready in the meantime.”

“Huh, I could have sworn you were open by now. Guess I was wrong.” She began to turn to walk away, but then stopped and swiveled back around, eyeing Joel intently.

Joel blinked. “Uh…can I help you?” 

Several expressions crossed the woman’s face before she grinned. “You’re Joel Robinson.”

“Huh?” Joel placed his paintbrush down on the tray and studied the woman’s facial features as he stood up, trying to find some familiar trait.

“I should have figured you wouldn’t recognize me. We went to high school together. I was the one who suckered you into helping build sets for the drama club’s performance of _The Crucible_ sophomore year, remember?”

Joel glanced away for a moment, and then recoiled slightly as the memory returned. “Annabeth Lewis?” he asked in disbelief. “Is that you?”

Annabeth smiled and cocked her head to one side. “Well, it’s Annabeth McIntyre now…but yes.” 

“I thought you said you were never getting married? And what are you doing in Minnesota?”

Annabeth chuckled. “You’re right, I did say that…but I actually haven’t been married all that long, only eight years. Besides, I was able to get married on my own terms after I got back from Europe.” 

It made sense. Annabeth’s mother had always been adamant about her finding a husband after high school, but Annabeth had higher aspirations than an MRS degree when she headed off to Temple University. “Europe?” Joel repeated, astonished.

“I never thought I’d be an expat, but it just kinda happened. I’d been laid off from my adjunct teaching job at Vanderbilt and kept sending out applications until five months later, along came an offer from Humboldt University in Germany. I taught anthropology there first for a few years until going to Zurich for my doctorate. But I didn’t like it there as much and decided to come back here, so now I’m taking over as chair of the anthropology department at the University of Minnesota’s main campus when the current one retires in May.” 

“Wow.” Joel’s life hadn’t been anywhere near as exciting as hers since they had last met. Sure, there was the whole “got shot into space” thing, but she probably wouldn’t believe him even if he told her. “Well…I lived in Australia for a few years, so I guess that’s something.”

“Get out!” Annabeth cried in astonishment. “I’ve been dying to go there for years and study the Aborigines. I wrote my master’s thesis on Aboriginal religion. But nobody’s coughing up any grant money.”

“Figures. But isn’t Minnesota small potatoes compared to Humboldt and Zurich? I mean, why here?”

“I like it here, it pays more, and I’d rather not have 100% of my income be taxable, thank you very much. Besides, my husband’s family lives here.”

Joel nodded. “Yeah, I suppose all of those things are important.”

“So what brings you back to the Great White North? The weather in Australia had to be so much better than this.”

“Family.” It wasn’t really lying if it was partially true. “Somehow, I ended up owning and operating a hot fish shop. I’m still not sure how that happened.”

“Isn’t that the way life always is?” Annabeth smirked bemusedly. “You never know what’s going to happen until it does. I always wanted to be an anthropologist, but I never thought I’d live abroad or get married. But sometimes, there comes a point in life where you just know what’s right and what you have to do.”

“…That’s true.” 

“You know, even after all these years, you don’t look any different. I recognized you right away.”

“Are you saying I’m still a kid?” Joel teased.

“Of course not!” Annabeth replied with a laugh. “But your hair was always the same and you have the same air about you. I could tell it was you because you always got that same look on your face when you were working on something.”

“Really? I didn’t recognize you at all.” Joel wracked his brain, searching for a good excuse as to why he didn’t recognize her. She still had the same periwinkle blue eyes, but come to think about it, her hair was a darker brown now…

“Hmm, maybe it’s because I’m pregnant.” 

“What?! No way!” Joel quickly scanned Annabeth and concluded that whoever came up with the saying that pregnant women glow had been lying through their teeth.

“Well, to be fair, I’m not showing yet. I’m only 14 weeks along.” 

“Hey, hon. There you are.”

Joel and Annabeth’s attention soon turned to the black-haired man approaching with a toddler in his arms. The man looked like what Joel considered a cross between an elf and a lumberjack with his gangly limbs and the beard he had going. 

“Oh, forgot I left you two back there.” Annabeth motioned towards the two. “Joel, this is my husband Steve, and that’s Isaac. He just turned three last month. Isaac, you wanna say hi to Joel?”

Isaac eyed Joel nervously before clutching his father’s arm and hiding his face behind it.

“Trust me, kid,” Joel said with a chuckle. “I’ve been there.” 

“They open?” Steve asked his wife.

“No, not until Sunday. We’ll be back, though. I have more catching up to do. See you later, Joel.” Annabeth waved to Joel before turning and walking away with her husband and son, saying something to her husband as they departed. 

Joel watched the three of them until they were lost to the horizon, and continued staring as he heard Mike approach behind him. 

“Who was that?” Mike inquired.

“Old friend of mine,” Joel replied without turning to look at Mike. His gaze remained transfixed on the same spot as he began thinking out loud. “You know, it’s funny. If it weren’t for the shop, there’s a lot that wouldn’t have happened. Seeing Annabeth again, working with you…”

“What’s got you so sentimental all of a sudden?” 

“Eh…” Joel stared at his feet as he idly kicked a particularly soft patch of ground below him. “We were just talking, is all.”

“Annabeth…” Mike thought for a few moments. “Oh yeah, Crow told me about her. You were enough of a gentleman to hold her hair for her while she puked in a garbage can after riding the Spider with you at the senior picnic.”

Joel facepalmed. “Did she really have to include that story in the senior yearbook?” 

“Well, that’s how you know who your friends really are.” 

“I really need to find a better hiding place for all the old memorabilia Mom gave me. Though truth be told, I never thought I’d see her again.”

Mike turned towards Joel with a smirk. “Think things could have gone any differently with her?” 

“I always used to wonder, but I don’t anymore. Besides, we probably would have drifted apart once she was at Temple.” Joel turned towards Mike and smiled. “And I have someone better now.”

“Uh-oh. They’re gonna kiss, aren’t they?” 

Both men looked down to discover that Crow and Tom had grown bored of their endeavors in the nearby field and were now standing close by.

“Well, we weren’t planning on it,” Joel began. “But now that you mention it, I think we just might have to.” After that, Joel and Mike leaned in for a quick peck as Crow and Tom turned away while making exaggerated retching noises. 

“Besides, if I’d ended up with Annabeth, I’d never have built you two.” Joel knelt down and put his arms around his creations. “I love you, Tom Servo.”

“I love you, Joel!” Tom responded.

“I love you, Crow.”

“You’re not my real father!” Crow shot back. 

“Anyway…” Mike interrupted with a slight chuckle. “You done up here? I could use some help.” 

Joel looked over at the bench he had been working on and realized that it had actually been finished quite some time ago, but he had been repeatedly going over the same spot for whatever reason. He must have let his mind wander again. “Yeah, pretty much. Let me clean up here and I’ll be over in a minute.” 

Joel paid no mind to the others as he crawled over to reseal the paint can and pick up everything he had left haphazardly scattered about. He paused for a moment as he realized: everything that had gone right with his life up until now was all because of the hot fish shop.

Twice, he had gotten the money for the spaceship. He wouldn’t have had a reason to let Mike move in with him if it hadn’t been for him needing a cook, either. It wasn’t just him anymore—now the shop was also supporting his family. 

And now, he knew what had happened to Annabeth after all of these years. Calling her Annabeth McIntyre would take some getting used to, but now he knew for a fact that saying goodbye to her decades ago no longer meant saying farewell. 

It had seemed like the dumbest thing he had ever done at the time, but buying the shop had proven to be the best decision he had ever made. Annabeth was right: it seemed counterintuitive at the time, but his intuition had told him what to do when opportunity had knocked. 

The sudden silence made Joel realize that he had been zoning out again. He looked over to his right and noticed Cambot disappearing behind one of the corners of the shop. Everything was packed up now, so there was no reason to keep the others waiting. He picked up the paint can and the tray full of supplies as he mindlessly glanced towards his left, where he had last seen Annabeth and her family. The distraction caused him to stumble before he finished standing up, and the contents of the paint tray tumbled onto the ground.

Joel sighed as he knelt back down to pick up the items that were now scattered across the pavement. After returning everything to the tray, he stared off to his left again and paused for a few moments, reflecting briefly on everything that had happened since he saw Annabeth last.

He looked back over to his right at the shop before grabbing the tray and standing up fully this time, with his feet firmly on the ground. Joel took one final look at the horizon before turning his back to it before pressing forward, turning towards the shop, and continuing on.


End file.
